Life - Without You
by xXxFangirlForeverxXx
Summary: Part 2 of my Life story. Half a year has passed since Valerie Evans was taken from the underground city by the survey corps. Now living as a citizen of the surface she finds herself not only batteling with getting used and adapt to her new life but also with her feelings. Will she find serenity and happiness in her new life or dwell on the past?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello again!  
Welcome to part 2 of my Life story, Life - Without You. If you haven't read my Life - Begins story I would suggest for you to do that since it's the first part of the story line. For you whom already read it I hope you will enjoy. As always, don't feel afriad to let me know what you think. The story will be uploded every tuesday and thursday. Well that's it from me. **

* * *

A half year had passed since I'd been sitting in Erwin's office being told that Farlan and Isabel had died on their first and only expedition. Levi on the other hand had survived and continue training to become a full fledge soldier of the survey corps. And I, I had been granted citizenship and had been put in the hands of Gloria Kaufer, an older woman owning a shop selling fabric and sewing supplies in Shiagnshina District. It had been much to take in the last couple of months, not only cooping with Farlan and Isabel's deaths and dealing with the fact that Levi suddenly didn't want me in his life but at the same time having to adapt to the life on the surface and start a new life. Since the underground city was officially just a myth on the surface and most citizens knew little about it Erwin thought it was best for me not to tell people about it. So suddenly I'd become a relative to Mrs Kaufer who'd moved in with her since I couldn't support myself after my husband, a soldier in the survey corps, had died on the latest expedition. Mrs Kaufer of course knew about my true past. She was a very kind and caring woman but among everything strong-minded. When she first laid eyes on me, stepping out of the carriage which had taken me to her home, she'd scolded Erwin over how poorly the survey corps must have feed me during my stay at the headquarters since I was just skin and bones. Then she ushered me inside to get some food in me. Before leaving that day Erwin had yet again reminded me about the demands concerning my continued citizenship which lay on me; first of all, I was now Mrs Valerie Evans, widowed and relative to Mrs Kaufer, second, I was not to interfere or involve myself in Levis life in anyway. If I did not keep to this my citizenship would be withdrawn and I would be back in the underground city within a day. He'd also told me he would come visit me from time to time to see how I was progressing in my life on the surface. Then I'd been left in this foreign city with foreign people feeling like the earth beneath my feet had caved in.

At first I was quite careful and withdrawn, keeping to myself. I was confused, angry and upset and didn't know what to do with everything I'd experienced the last couple of days or how to handle all my emotions. Mrs Kaufer didn't pressure me to much and let me take my time. Of course it didn't take long for it all to boil over and that's when Mrs Kaufer found me one evening slumped down on the floor of my bedroom, crying loudly at the same time trying to catch my breath as it felt as I could not breath and grabbing my chest as it felt like my heart would break in million pieces. She held me and let me cry until I had no more tears to cry but she still held me. When I calmed a little she whispered to me in a calm and comforting voice that the pain would never go away, only that I would learn to live with it. Without knowing she answered the question rolling around in head.

After that my relationship to Mrs Kaufer blossomed well. She became like a second mother to me and after everything that happened over the years I admit it felt quite good that someone was dotting and nagging on me like she did. I soon came to learn that Mrs Kaufers husband and son had been a part of the survey corps. They both had died in their duties and different to me she wasn't angry about it. She told me her husband used to say that even though he knew what the cost to join the survey corps could be the cost not to join and try to help the humanity could be even worse. It also turned out that her son and Erwin had been in the same training squad and that's how Erwin knew Mrs Kaufer. Listening to her speaking about her husband and son and the survey corps with such ease and respect was quite admirable, it was obvious she didn't blame the survey corps for their deaths. I on the other hand wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to forgive Erwin and the survey corps for what happened to Farlan and Isabel.

Expect from a son she also had a daughter that was married and had two children of her own. Because of that her daughter Anne didn't have the time to help her mother with the shop and household to much. It wasn't like Mrs Kaufer couldn't take care of herself but she pointed out that it was nice with the extra pair of hands and company. Anne did visit as often she could and we became close friends. Well she believed us to be relatives and was surprised she'd never heard about me earlier. Mrs Kaufer reminded Anne about a cousin of hers that died a couple of years ago, intending that I was this dead cousin's daughter. Anne hadn't ponder over it and instead asked me all about my husband and how it came I married so young. This had been the first time I was asked and my mind went blank. Mrs Kaufer had scolded her daughter for asking me such direct questions shortly after my husband's death. Since then I'd become much better telling stories about my late husband, my imagination always taking help from my life with Levi. When asked about his name it was easiest to tell them his name had been Farlan Evans, since it was the closest to some kind of truth I could come up with and since I suspected my citizenship would be withdrawn if using Levis name it had to due.

I spent most of my days taking care of the household, helping Mrs Kaufer in the shop and just living the life of a normal surface citizen. Occasionally I'd helped to take care of a neighbour's children. Mrs Kaufer had known Carla Yeager since she was a child and had helped take care of her and her siblings when they where younger, just like she helped taking care of Carlas children now. Carla had helped Mrs Kaufer as much as she could as well and was happy that I was living there now and helping out. Of course she was sad to hear about my husbands death. Her son, Eren, however was very much interested in everything that had to do with the survey corps and questioned me a lot about my husband and his work as a solider in the survey corps. It was clear Carla and Eren wasn't on the same page when it came to Erens desire to become a survey corps himself. I'd realized early that Eren was more than handful and it remedied me a lot of Isabel with his outgoing attitude. Mikasa on the other hand was silent and calm. I'd found it strange she didn't resemblance her parents but Mrs Kaufer had explained to me that Mikasa was in fact adopted after her parents had died. When I found out her last name being the same as Levis I wondered if they were related, but figured she'd know nothing about it since she was too young. I shrugged it off as a coincidence. It hadn't taken long until I was to one that always to care of Eren and Mikasa whenever Carla needed to get her hands free for a moment. They'd grown on me quite fast and I really enjoyed spending time with them. And together with their friend Armin they were quite the gang and it reminded me a little of Levi, Farlan and Isabel.

"Sounds like you are initiating a good life for yourself." Erwin said from where he sat, watching me with a smile.

"Well I haven't had much of a choice now have I?" I pointed out arrogantly and he laughed slightly. I looked out of the window at two birds soaring in the sky. "But honestly, yes I suppose I have considering the circumstances."

"It delights me to hear you think so." I looked back at him. Not matter how much I disliked this man it felt like I still had a connection to Levi and that brought me relief.

"How is he?" I asked and Erwin watched me closely for a moment.

"He has been focusing on his training, not that he is in much need of it. I reckon he will go far. He is determined on his task." I nodded, and looked out thru the window again a small smile on my lips.

"That's good. As long as he keeps himself alive I'm satisfied." Small updates like this were usual, not revealing too much but enough to keep me satisfied. I'd once asked Erwin if he updated Levi on my being, he'd told me that he only did it if Levi asked. Then a thought came to my mind and I looked back at Erwin. "Would you tell me, if he died?"

"Would you want me to?" Erwin asked and examined me closely again.

"Yes, I would." I said without hesitation and Erwin nodded. "If I died, would you inform him about it?"

"Yes, in case of your unlikely death he would, as agreed, be informed about it. That was something he was clear about that he wanted to know." I smiled. "Does that news make you happy?" Erwin asked, surely seeing my small smile.

"Yes." I simply answered him. Half an hour later I followed Erwin out on the street where his horse was waiting.

"I'll see you in a month's time then." He said and I nodded. "Good bye, Mrs Evans." He said as he got up on his horse.

"Good bye, Captain Smith." I said before he signalled his horse to take up speed. I watched him ride away and sighed to myself. The twittering from two birds made me look up at the sky, smiling at them. At least he cared if I was dead or alive I thought to myself.

"Valerie, dear, come and help me with the laundry." Mrs Kaufer called from inside and I turned towards the house.

"I'm coming Mrs Kaufer."

"How many times do I need to tell you, it's Gloria." She said and patted my cheek when I came inside. I smiled at her. This was my life now; I had to admit it was a good life but still a life without Levi.


	2. Chapter 2

As usual I woke up just as the sun was about to rise. I watched the colours playing on the sky that the rays from the sun made from my bedroom window. I smiled, feeling the same overwhelming feeling of beauty it always brought me watching the sun rise. The first time I saw it I even cried, it was just so powerful and beautiful to me for some reason. But of course after spending twenty years of your life underground not knowing anything else then never ending darkness it was no surprise I reacted like this. I was still adapting to life on the surface and everything it offered that we didn't have in the underground. Strangely enough it had been quite scary when I'd first started moving outside the Mrs Kaufers house in Shiganshina district. I was used to always being prepared for anything and the number one rule down in the underground was to always keep your guard up. On the surface people moved around so easily and uncaring that it scared me. I was even more nervous up here in the beginning, jumping at any sound and movement that felt threatening. I felt sorry for Mrs Kaufer having to calm me down and explain over and over again that the criminality at the surface was very low. I still wasn't used to relaxing when walking the streets but I didn't feel as afraid and nervous anymore. Keeping ones guard up at any circumstances couldn't be wrong I thought to myself, you never knew. I watched to the sun for a moment more before I changed to my daily wear. Mrs Kaufer was nowhere to be seen when I came down on the ground floor so I guessed she was still sleeping. I started to prepare breakfast. That they had a much larger supply of food on the surface was not really a surprise to me since it was a well-known fact in the underground city that the citizens on the surface had easier lives when it came to such things as food, clean water and medicines. However Mrs Kaufers, never ending, nagging about me eating like a bird and being too skinny for my own good came as a surprise to me. She always filled my plates with seconds and forced me to eat it all up. It was just recently she'd eased up about it after a couple people at the shop as well as Anne and Carla had pointed out I'd started to look much healthier.

Just when the kettle with warm water started to beep Mrs Kaufer came into the kitchen. Her silver grey curls put in her usually perfect knot and her bright blue eyes radiate the same happiness her smile did. The plump woman made her way over to the stove and took of the kettle as I placed the sliced bread on the table.

"Good morning Mrs Kaufer." The woman gave me a look and I blushed a little. "Gloria." I added and she gave me a warm smile.

"Good morning to you to dear." She said as she poured the tea in the pot. "You've slept well?" She asked as usual and I gave her a smile as I nodded. "Good." She put the pot down on the table and sat down, I sat down as well. Mrs Kaufer happily kept up a conversation during the breakfast as usual and I spoke when I was asked something. "Ohh and by the way I promised Carla we'd look after Eren and Mikasa today since Grisha is away on businesses and she had to do some errands. I thought you could take the day off and do something funnier then being stuck here all day with them." Mrs Kaufer said while I was taking care of the dishes after breakfast. I smiled at this.

"I'd be glad to do that, Mrs Kau…Gloria." Gloria gave me a happy smile and I blushed slightly at this. I don't know why I kept to calling her Mrs Kaufer, I suppose I just wanted to be polite since I had been thrown into her household from nowhere. Even though it was Erwins doing it still felt ungracious just coming here and I felt like I needed to make up for it.

After breakfast we opened up the shop. There were a few customers coming in during the morning. A little before Carla would come with the children Gloria told me to go pack up a basket with food to take with me.

When I came back to the shop, which was connected with the house, Carla was already there talking with Gloria. Eren and Mikasa was standing besides her, Eren looking really bored and Mikasa as calm as ever.

"Good day Mrs Yeager!" I said politely as I saw her and she smiled at me, laughing a little.  
"It's Carla for you dear." She said and patted my cheek when I came closer. I smiled back, blushing again. "Well I should be going then. Eren, behave and listen to Gloria and Valerie." Carla gave her son a warning glare and his greenish blue eyes went big.

"What about Mikasa?" He asked irritated and pointed at the calm girl who blankly stared at Eren. Every time she did this it reminded me of the blank stares Levi used to deliver and I couldn't stop myself from wondering if they were related in some way. Shrugging it off as usual I watched as Carla shook her head before she smile and hugged her son.

"Just behave." She said as she hugged him, kissing the side of his head. Then she turned to Mikasa and did the same. I couldn't help to feel warm inside, it was obvious how much the woman loved her children and it really warmed my heart. "Good bye!" She said before she disappeared out of the shop. Eren stood with his arms crossed, still irritated, and Mikasa waved to her.

"Well, we should get going to I guess." I said and looked at Gloria who smiled at me.

"See you later. Have fun!" She said and I nodded. Eren ran out of the shop before me, yelling good bye to Gloria. Mikasa said a silent good bye, waving and took my hand as we walked out after Eren.

"Come on, I wanna go to the meadow!" He yelled at us and I smiled.

"Sure, we can go to the meadow." We kept walking towards the inner wall and Eren who'd slowed down now walked besides Mikasa with his hands behinds head and talking about everything and nothing. Both I and Mikasa listened to him, me not as focused as Mikasa of course. While she hung to every word the boy said I half listened to him as I looked at the town people. Some recognized me and bid their hellos and I nodded politely back, some of them were customers and others were people that knew Gloria. We came to the gate of the inner wall where some soldiers of the garrison stood, drunk as always. I sighed and shook my head at it. It was quite disgraceful and ignorant of them acting like the treat of the titans didn't exist for real. It angered me since I knew the survey corps risked their life every time they went out on expeditions and here these people where calling themselves soldiers. Eren made an anger disliking sound which matched my thoughts. I looked at the boy with narrowed eyes, warning him to pick a fight.

"Valerie!" The voice of a man called out and I looked forward again. Standing by the wall was Friedrich Hausler waving at me. His mother was a regular to the shop and I'd been here only one month when he came to it with his mother to help her with her errands. I hadn't noted it back then, but for Gloria and his mother it had been obvious he had taken a liking to me at the very first sight. Ever since then the two ladies had made it their life goal mission to set us up. I tried to explain to Gloria that I didn't feel the need for a man in my life and she told me I couldn't stay a maid forever.

Friedrich was just two years older than me and one of the few reliable and disciplined soldiers of the garrison I knew. I gave him a polite smile as we approached.

"Good day Private Hausler, how are you?" I stopped where he stood together with some other soldiers. Friedrich put his hand behind his head and rubbed his neck with a smile, a small blush on his face.

"It's just fine, thank you. And how are you?"

"I'm fine as well!"

"Come on Valerie, we don't have all day." Eren shouted, he'd walked ahead and looked irritated.

"Eren, don't be so impolite." I said and gave him glare. He made a disapproving sound.

"At least I'm not like those suckers." I gaped as the boy glared at the soldiers and crossed his arms. "Come on Mikasa!" He called out and started to run. "Last to the meadow is a rotten garrison!" I sighed and looked down at Mikasa giving her an assuring smile since she looked unsure what to do.

"Go, I'll catch up." I said and she let go of my hand. "Don't go too far!" I called after the children before I turned back to Friedrich who looked after them with a smile. "Sorry about it, but you know how he is." I said and sighed again.

"It's alright, I don't blame him. And isn't it true anyways?" He said and looked down at me with an understanding face. I blushed slightly. I couldn't deny he was handsome with his tall and clearly muscular body and sand blonde hair. But what got me the most was his warm and gentle smile which made his sky blue eyes sparkle. He was also quite gentle and polite, always smiling.

"Not everyone is like that, I mean…you aren't!" I said and felt my blush grow when his face turned surprised but then got a sweet smile on his lips.

"Thank you Valerie!" I gave him a small smile back.

"Why don't the two of you get married already?" One of the older soldiers suddenly put his arm around Friedrich, obviously drunk and I backed a little.

"Hey Alfred!" Friedrich sighed and the man looked at him.

"What? Beautiful women like her don't come along every day." He said and then turned to me. "And this one is a real catch; it would be stupid to let him slip away." Behind him the other laughed. I smiled politely.

"Well, I think I need to go now. Good bye!" I said and turned towards the gate.

"Sorry about this Valerie." Friedrich called out and I turned and gave him a smile as an answer as I hurried after Eren and Mikasa. I could hear the other soldiers telling Friedrich to run after me instead and not let me get away as they laughed. I sighed to myself but when I came out on the other side, the sun hitting my face making me look up I couldn't help but to smile a little at the beauty of it.

Eren and Mikasa had stopped by a tree not far away from the part of the city on the inner side of the wall. The forenoon passed by with them playing in the tree and running around close to it. I sat leaned against the tree reading a book, from time to time I looked up at the two with a smile. After a while they asked me to play tag with them, I wasn't hard to convince and so I put away my book to play with them. Then we sat down to eat, I had packed bread, apple and some milk to drink. A little after we'd sat down Eren spoke up, not looking at me.

"Are you and Friedrich going to marry?" I almost choked on the apple I was eating, not prepared for the question; I looked at the boy with wide eyes.

"What makes you think that?" I asked and he looked at me.

"Well, you always seem so happy around him, and he obviously likes you." I got surprised over his observance on the subject. "So are you marring him?" I sighed and looked towards the wall for a moment. This kind of question had been nagging inside of me for a time. One day Gloria wouldn't be around anymore and what would happen to me then. This had made me thought that marring someone in a near future couldn't be such a bad idea. At the same time I felt like the very though was a betrayal towards Levi and I always had this small glimmer of hope inside of me that he would change his mind and come back to me. Eren sighed and it made me look at him, he looked sad.

"Why do you ask Eren?" I asked him, knowing I hadn't answered his question. He sighed again, looking away as he was embraced. Mikasa looked at him and then at me.

"He believes that if you marry someone else it means you don't care about your husband and what he did for humanity." Eren looked at Mikasa with wide angry eyes.

"I told you not to tell her." He shouted and I looked at the boy with surprise. I knew very well he idolized my made up husband just because he'd been a survey corps soldier but this added a whole other level to it.

"Eren is it true?" I asked gently and he blushed. I sighed, Levi coming to my mind as I started to speak. "Of course I care. I love him with everything I have. But fate doesn't take that into consideration when it decides the course of our lives. Life is unfair and cruel and you just have to do the best about it. It's just like with the walls." I said and turned my head towards them, both Eren and Mikasa did as well. "It's unfair and cruel that humanity had to flee behind these walls and hide when the world outside has so much to offer, but even so we have the walls to be thankful for to be alive. Without them humanity wouldn't even exist. So we just had to do the best of the situation even if it's cruel at the same time." I looked back at the children; they both still looked at the wall with longing eyes. I knew very well about their and Armins dreams about exploring the world that lay outside. "And that's the same for me. He wanted me to go one with my life and therefore I just have to do the best I can about it. Going on, even if it means marrying someone else, doesn't mean I forgot about or stopped loving him, it means I fulfilled his will and wishes for me." Eren looked down at the ground for a moment.

"He must have been a really great guy. I wish I could be like him." This made me smile wide since I always thought of Levi when I had to speak about my made up husband and hearing Eren say this wanted me to tell him not to become like the man I really was thinking about.

"Don't worry; you're still my number one guy." I said and moved over to hug the boy. He tried pushing me away, acting all tough but I knew he liked it. Mikasa giggled as I continued to force hug Eren and he trying to get away. After that the two wanted to go to their usual spot along the canal. Armin was as usual there and we sat down so they could talk until I decided it was time to get back. We said our good byes to Armin and walked back home. Carla was already home so I took Eren and Mikasa to their house. Carla thanked me for taking care of them and then I walked to my own house. Gloria greeted me and told me I could go prepare dinner. I smiled and did as I was told.


	3. Chapter 3

A couple of days after my day with Eren and Mikasa, I and Gloria were invited over to the Yeager family for dinner. This happened from time to time and Gloria who loved being social always accepted it. After dinner while Gloria sat by the dinner table talking with doctor Yeager I couldn't keep myself from helping Carla with the dishes, all my life household course had been my number one occupation so it felt strange for me not doing them.  
"You shouldn't really, you're a guest." Carla said with a smile as usual when I offered my help.

"Ohh, Carla, you know the girl's going crazy if she has to sit down and do nothing. I've even stopped asking her to try to relax like normal people." Gloria said with love and caring. True the woman had scolded me many times for not even trying to take it easy. I'd explained that relaxing for me was taking care of a household and at last she'd given up. "That's relaxation to her." Carla smiled.

"Whoever marries you are a lucky one." Carla said with a smile and then in the same instance she said it realized something and her eyes looked at me with sorrow. "I didn't mean…"  
"It's alright. To be honest, he was actually the one who got me to be like this." I couldn't help but to smile as I thought back at the first couple of weeks of me living with Levi. "He was more obsessive about a spotless house then me. In the beginning it was actually quite irritating and we fought a lot about it. He always nagged about it not being cleaned good enough and me having to redo it. I mean how many times could you clean an invisible spot? But at last I suppose I reached to his standards, since he stopped nagging. I suppose cleaning and such makes me relaxes since I know it would satisfied him coming home to a clean house." I laughed a little at my terrible excuse and then looked at Carla who smiled at me.

"Sounds like you really love him." I blinked and blushing a little, looking down.

"Yeah but she's going to fulfil his wish and marry Friedrich know." Eren suddenly said and everyone turned to look at him. I sighed as Gloria looked from him to me with a big grin on her face.

"Eren." I said and he looked at me with non understanding eyes.

"You said it the other day."

"Ohh that's wonderful. When was it decided, why didn't you tell me?" Gloria suddenly came up to me and put her hands on either side of my shoulders

"No Gloria, I've not decided to marry him. He hasn't even asked me…."

"But you would if he asked you?" Gloria cut me off and I blinked.

"She's doing the best of the situation." Eren filled in when I didn't speak and I sighed again. Gloria looked confused but still happy

"So that means you would consider it?" Gloria asked at last, still holding on to me. I blinked, blushing hard at this sudden subject and my mind went completely blank as I started to babble

"I don't know….I supposes, maybe…if it felt right and I felt that way, then maybe yes…but…"

"Ohh darling." She hugged me and I couldn't let the woman down at the moment by telling her I wasn't sure about my feelings for Friedrich, if I had any at all. She was so happy at the moment and I couldn't take it away from her.

Back at home she kept talking on and on about how a life with Friedrich would be good for me and that we suited each other. It wasn't until she actually looked at me that she silenced.

"What is it darling?" I looked up at her with surprised eyes; I had spaced out and hadn't even been aware of it.

"Nothing." I said and smiled, but she frowned and watched me for a long moment until she walked over to me and sat down besides me in the sofa.

"It's something. You don't look especially happy." She said and I understood she saw thru me. I bit my lip and looked away for a moment. "You can tell me." I took a deep breath and looked back at her.

"Don't get me wrong. Friedrich is really wonderful, his kind and caring and I can tell he like me. And he's not like many of the other soldiers in the Garrison, he seem to want a change. And I'm sure he'll do anything in his power to make me happy and never feel like I lack anything in life."

"But?" Gloria asked and I looked at her, feeling my face take on a sad expression.

"I don't know if I could return all those feelings." I could see the moment Gloria realized something.

"That man, that you lived with in the underground, who's serving in the survey corps. Erwin never fully explained who he was to you." I felt tears build up in my eyes as she spoke. "He just told me that it was better for the two of you to live separate lives after everything that happened and that you would be happier living a life without him." She put her hand on mine and I looked at her. "You love him, don't you?" Tears were falling down my cheeks now.

"Yes." I shuttered and she looked at me which such care. "But he doesn't want me in his life."

"Ohh darling." She pulled me into an embrace, my head leaning against her shoulder. "I'm sorry. Here I am nagging you about marriage while your heart belongs to someone else. I didn't realize you're feelings, I should have done. I always thought there was so much feeling when people asked you about your supposed husband and all the times you told me you didn't need a man in your life. I'm so sorry dear; I shouldn't have pushed you about Friedrich."

"It's alright. You just mean well. And he is a wonderful man; I just don't want to fool him into something that I can't fully commit to." I said and broke away from her embrace. "He's worth someone who loves him back and I don't think I'm that woman." Gloria smiled at me.

"Give it a try. Who knows what will happen." She said and then she took a breath before she continued. "What I'll say next I'll say because I care about you Valerie, you've become like a second daughter to me. But obviously this man didn't want you in his life and to me that means he don't return your feelings. A man that loves a woman should protect her and always keep her as close as possible, not push her away. I can't tell you to change your feelings but I can ask of you to try to give the possibility to love another man a chance. Who knows, maybe it turn out that this man actually isn't the greatest love. You're still young and there's many men left in the world you haven't meet. So just give it a try, and why not start with Friedrich then? As you say, he's a kind and caring man, and he likes you." I looked down, considering it for a moment. What had I really to lose if I tried? I looked up and gave her a weak smile.

"I'll try." She smiled and patted my cheek.

"And if it doesn't feel right, you've just have to tell him." I nodded and she smiled even wider. "Now of to bed, I'm sure you tired." She hugged me before I stood and walked upstairs to get to bed. I looked out thru my window, thinking about everything. Well, who know maybe my feelings would change if I just gave it a try. With that I went to bed, drifting into sleep immediately.


	4. Chapter 4

Unknown for me was that in just a week after our conversation the May Day celebration was taking and was going to be celebrated in the town. Growing up in the underground city there was no such thing as holidays or celebration of no sort. I couldn't even remember hearing my father tell me about this kind of things even though he was from the surface. Gloria had told about this day a couple of days a head and told me it would be a good opportunity to spend sometime with Friedrich. I'd looked at her with a confused expression on my face. She smiled gently, apologized for rushing into it without explaining and then she sat down telling me about the celebration. It was a tradition to welcome the summer and pretty much went on from the morning to the evening of the first of May with dances, games and a feast at the evening as well as a large pole that would be wrapped in ribbons during the forenoon. Most of the town people helped preparing in different ways for the celebration and there was no difference for us; Gloria and I had been spent most of yesterday evening making the ribbons that would be wrapped around the may pole. After breakfast Glorias daughter and her family joined us at Glorias home to help us carry all the ribbons to the field on the inner side of the wall where the celebration would be hold. Before we went to bed the other evening Gloria had come to me with a white dress and asked me to where it today since it was tradition that the young unmarried woman of the town would dance dressed in white around the pole with the ribbons. In my head it sounded silly, but nevertheless I did as she asked to make her happy.

On the field I could see a tall pole lay on the ground. Coming closer other people came up and helped us with the long ribbons. While some other people started tying the ribbons at the top of the pole and I watched as they did with a smile on my face. Suddenly someone tried to put something on my head and I flinched, moving out of the way.

"Ohh sorry, I thought you saw me!" Anne said and I looked to the side. In her hands she held a wreath. "It's part of the tradition. Can I?" She said and smiled at me.

"Sure." I said and she reached up, placing the wreath on my head and then moved her hands thru my hair to adjust it a little.

"You're so beautiful." She said and one of her hands moved down to my cheek. Gloria came shortly after that and pulled me into a hug with tears in her eyes also telling me I was beautiful.

"Ohh I remember when it was you." Gloria said and looked at Anne with a smile. "I didn't think I would experience this again. It's truly a gift."

"Yeah, I always wanted a little sister or a daughter of my own." She laughed and looked towards her two sons standing with their father. "It may sound selfish of me but I'm happy you're a part of our family Valerie." She said and hugged me. Even if their words made me happy but hearing all their nice words made me blush hard since I wasn't used to hear how beautiful I was or that I was loved.

"Thank you!" I said and smiled back at them, feeling my own eyes tear up a little. Gloria hugged me again and after that we watched as the pole was raised and a blonde girl, a little younger than me, was lifted up to put a wreath of flowers at the top. Then me and the other young unmarried woman got to dance around the pole, wrapping the colourful ribbons around it. How silly it had sounded it my head I had to admit it was quite fun even though it took a while and I was exhausted when it was over. I was happy to sit down for a moment and eat. The Yeager and Arlert families joined us and after resting a bit I was dragged into a game of tag with Eren, Mikasa, Armin and Annes son Manuel and Vinzenz. The afternoon soon turned into evening and the bonfires was lit up and the big feast of food was served together with music and dance. It was beautiful to watch.

"Come on, let's dance Valerie." Eren said and took my hand, dragging me towards the part where people danced. I laughed and let him take me with him. We danced for a while until someone came up to us.

"Excuse me young Mr Yeager but would it be alright with you if I could get a dance with your lovely lady." Friedrich kneeled down in Erens height and looked at him with a smile. Eren looked at him with a doubtful expression for a moment before he looked at me who gave him an ensuring smile and then back at Friedrich again.

"It'll be fine, but be nice to her." He said and let go of my hands.

"Of course, I would never think of hurting her." Friedrich said and reached out his hand for him. "A gentlemen's agreement!" Eren shook it and Friedrich stood. I leaned down and placed a kiss on Eren's cheeks.

"Thank you for the lovely dance sir." I said and smiled at him, he blushed but smiled back at me before he run away. Friedrich took my hand and put the other on my hip as I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Sorry for ruining your dance." He said as he started moving. "But I couldn't help myself when I saw you." Now it was my turn to blush.

"It's alright. Eren knows his my number one guy." I said and smiled. "I didn't see you earlier to day." This made Friedrich smile wider.

"It makes me glad to hear you where looking for me. But no, I was able to take the early shift guarding the gate so I could be here now." He said and looked down at me. "But honestly if it wasn't for my mother I'd been stuck with the evening shift." He laughed and looked in another direction, I followed his eyes and saw his mother Amelia, Gloria, Anne and Carla standing a bit away watching us, they smiled and waved when we looked at them. I smiled back at them. "She can be quite demanding when she want to, even kicking about with the military." He made a grimace of fear and then smiled at me again. I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"I know what you mean, Gloria's the same. I wouldn't dare go against her." We talked more as we continued dancing, until Eren came telling us it was time to eat.

We joined up with the others and the group had now grown since Friedrichs family had joined. Gloria and Amelia however made sure me and Friedrich always was close together. After eating Vinzenz came up to me and wanted to dance, of course I couldn't tell him no and picked the five year up in my arms and danced until he fell asleep. With that Anne decided it was probably time for them to head home and I handed Vinzenz over to his father. About to sit down again Gloria gave me a look telling me to sit besides Friedrich, so I did as I was asked to. Armin and his family left a little after that, Amelia had nagged her husband to dance with her and Gloria had gone off to nowhere to be seen as well as Friedrich siblings. And it didn't take long until Doctor Yeager and Carla went to dance, leaving me and Friedrich with Eren and Mikasa. Eren who'd come and sat down in front of me was leaning his head against my chest. I didn't really know what it was with me that the boy seemed to like so much but I didn't complain since he was just like a little brother to me. I stroked his brown hair until Mikasa snuggled up against my shoulder and I put my arm around her. It didn't take long until the two had fallen asleep.

"They really like you, huh!" Friedrich said and looked at the two children. I looked at their sleeping faces and smiled.

"I suppose. I don't really know why they do. But I've adored them since the first time I meet them. They're like younger siblings to me." I said, keeping my eyes on them.

"Do you have any siblings?" I looked up at Friedrich.

"No, I was the only child." I answered him with a smile. "And after my parents died it was only me and Le…" I stopped having been on my way to tell him about my true past. I lowered my eyes, reminding myself I wasn't supposed to talk about Levi.

"You're husband, he was a part of the survey corps?" Friedrich said at last, care and sorrow for me clear in his voice. I nodded, feeling my eyes tear up as I started thinking about Levi, Farlan and Isabel and how I wished they were here with me. Friedrich put his hand under my chin, lifting my head so we got eye contact. "I hope he understood how lucky he was for having you." He said and before I had the chance to respond he leaned closer and put his lips on mine. My eyes widened in surprise. The kiss didn't last to long but it was gentle, filled with love and care at the same time as it felt wrong for me. It was nothing like when Levi had kissed me the first time. Tears ran down my cheek and Friedrich moved away, looking at me with anxiety and regret. "Sorry, I should have asked first." He said and I put a hand over my mouth as I sobbed lightly and lowered my eyes.

"It's alright, it's just…" I trailed off, searching for the right words.

"I think I know." He said and I looked up at him again. "I don't want to push you, but I hope you at least can give me a chance." I looked at him for a moment, a million thoughts in my mind. I nodded and gave him a weak smile before I placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

"I'll try." I whispered and he smiled. Someone suddenly shouting angrily made us both look towards the direction of the sound. Friedrich sighed.

"Probably just a drunk." He said and laughed a little, but I found myself searching thru the crowed. For the slights moment I thought my eyes had caught sight of the short built of the man I longed for.

"Valerie." Eren moved and mumbled and all my thoughts were washed away as the boy sleepily looked up at me. I smiled down at him.

"It's alright." I stroked his hair with my free hand. Soon enough Doctor Yeager and Carla came back. Carla, being who she was, gasped at the sight at her sleeping children and apologized for just leaving them like that but also thanking me for taking care of them. Gloria and Amelia joined us soon, Amelia telling that her husband Gerhold had taken the other three children home. After trying to get some life in the sleeping children, which was pointless, we walked home. Doctor Yeager carried Eren and Friedrich offered to take Mikasa. After biding the Yeager family good night the rest of us walked the short distance to Glorias house.

"Ohh, Amelia, I just remember I've gotten such a lovely fabric, why don't you come take a look at it?" Gloria said with a mischievous smile on her lips, Amelia followed without protest to the shop and left me and Friedrich alone outside the house entrance. I sighed and shook my head. I knew very well that you could see the entrance to the house from the shop.

"They're doing it so smoothly." Friedrich said with a laugh and a small blush on his cheek. I laughed slightly as well and smiled up at him. "Better not disappoint them I suppose!" He said and I knew what he was meaning, I blushed and looked down at the ground for a moment. I'd promised to try I thought to myself as I sighed silently and looked up at him with a smile.

"I suppose that would be stupid!" I said and he smiled as she leaned down and kissed me again, this time with a little more determination but with the same gentleness. Still it didn't give me the same feeling Levis kiss had given me.

"Thank you for this wonderful evening." He whispered when he broke away.

"Thank you too, it was lovely." I told him, giving him a gentle smile. Still smiling he put a light kiss on my cheek before he stood up straight and turned towards the shop calling for his mother. She came out with a huge smile on her face, waving her good bye to me. I waved back with a smile as Gloria came up to me. She was smiling wide as well, I sighed at her.

"So what did she think about the fabric?" I asked calmly but knowing Gloria would understand the underlying meaning.

"Ohh she loved it." Gloria said as she turned towards the entrance door and locked it open. I shook my head and couldn't help but smile. She continued talking about what a wonderful day it had been as she walked inside. I followed but stopped just as I was about to walk inside and turned around, scanning the empty street.

"What is it dear?" Gloria asked and came over, looking out at the street as well and then back at me.

"I just…it felt like someone was watching me." I said and she smiled at me.

"It has been a long and unusual day for you, so it's not strange you feel like that. It's nothing to worry about." She said and walked inside again. "Come on, I'll make you a good cup of tea before bed and you can tell me all about your evening." I looked towards her and smiled, but before I walked inside I cast on more glance down the street. I sighed and shook my head. I was just being silly and imagination things because of all the mixed feelings inside of me I thought as I walked inside. I closed the door behind me as Gloria started question me about all the details. Still something inside of me told me I wasn't just imagination, that it must have been Levi.


	5. Chapter 5

"It's the first of May tomorrow." Erwin suddenly said and Levi looked at him from where he was sitting in the sofa in Erwin's office. He stood with his back towards him, watching out thru the window.

"What about it?" Levi asked. Erwin went on explaining the celebration of the day for the younger man, not caring that he obviously wasn't interested. After he was done he sat down by his desk again silent for a moment.

"I heard there is a soldier in the garrison that has taken a liking in Ms Evans." Levi froze for the slightest of moment, enough for Erwin to catch it however.

"I've told you I don't care about it." Levi said with an obviously irritated voice, even though he tried sounding uninterested and bored.

"I just thought you wanted to know." Erwin bluntly said, looking at the man sitting in the sofa. "That's what you wanted for her, wasn't it? Her moving on with her life." He tsked in irritation and stood.

"I'm leaving." Erwin smiled as he disappeared out of the room.

Levi walked to his own room. The sun was setting and the night sky full of stars was taking over. He watched the change, his mind as distant as his eyes. He didn't know why it bothered him, it shouldn't! Erwin was right; a peaceful and normal life was what he wanted for her, with someone who could give her all he couldn't. Wasn't it? Levi clenched his fist, tsking as he realized he let his mind wander. He turned away from the window and sat by the desk trying to focus on some paperwork to clear his mind. He worked the whole night and by the time it was morning he'd fallen asleep in his armchair. He woke when there was a knock on the door and Erwin entered.

"There's been a slight change in the schedule, some sickness going around so you're free from training for the day." He said as he walked into the office, looking out the window for a moment and then looking at Levi with a smile. "Why don't you go to the celebration?"

"I'm not interested in it."

"Look at it as field experience in your adaption to the surface. It's an order!" Erwin said as he turned to leave the office, not bothering to see the reaction on Levis face.

"Yes sir!" He said thru gritted teeth and when the door closed he leaned back in his chair groaning. Looking towards the window at the blue sky he was thinking about ignoring the so called order but when Erwin's words from yesterday came back to him he sighed in irritation. Maybe it was better to look it up personally, he thought as he stood, if he left now maybe he would be at the Shiganshina district by the evening. He made a quick change from his survey corps clothes before he went to the stables to get a horse.

It had become dark when he arrived at the district. The celebration was being held on a field on the inner side of the gate. He bound his horse and put his hood over his head, making his way to the celebration, carefully watching the people around him so he wouldn't get caught by Valerie. He'd cursed himself the whole way for doing this but it was too late to turn around know. Suddenly he spotted her among the dancing couples. She was dressed in a simple white dress that hugged her upper body and then went wider, making the skirt flowing as she moved. He could tell that she'd gained a little weight going from the skinny figure she had in the underground to looking like a health young woman. Her dark brown hair had grown longer and was let out; a wreath of flowers had been placed like a halo on her head. She laughed and smiled as she danced with a young boy. It was the first time he'd gotten a look of her since they came to the surface. He'd seen her once before when he was leaving on his third expedition outside the wall thru Shiganshina, but he'd just seen her for a short moment. He'd seen her standing up in the crowd, turning and walking away. It been enough for him to see her dry some tears from her eyes and he understood she'd seen him and hide before she made the decision to leave.

Now she looked happy and a small smile formed on Levis face at the sight at her. Then a man came up to her and the boy, kneeling in front of the boy. They talked and after a moment Valerie leaned down, giving the boy a kiss on the cheek before he ran off and the man took over the dancing. Levi felt irritation and anger build up as he watched them dance. Valerie's smiles became more gentle and loving as she talked and danced with the man. She laughed at something and Levi tsked. After a while the boy from earlier came back and they walked off. Levi followed them with distance, seeing them sitting down together with a large group of people. Levi could tell how an older woman obviously made sure Valerie and the man sat together. He watched them talk and eat until Valerie lifted up a small boy in her arms walking down to dance again. Levi remained where he was, being able to see both the people dancing and the place where the group Valerie belonged to sat. He almost felt the urge to walk up to her when she danced with the small boy in her arms. Looking towards the group he could see the man watching her as well with a loving and caring face. The boy had fallen asleep after a while and Valerie walked back with him to the group, the father of the child taking him and the family saying good bye before they walked away. They passed him as they walked towards the town and he caught a part of their conversation.

"They're obviously made for each other, don't you think dear?" The woman spoke and her husband looked at her.

"I suppose, they seem to get along well anyways." He said and she smiled up at him but then her face became sad.

"I just hope she doesn't feels like she betraying her husband." Levi knew very well of the cover Erwin had come up for Valerie. "When she talks about him…it just makes my heart ache, I can't even begin to imagine how it must have felt. Marry and becoming a widow in the same year. I can tell she still loves him deeply."

"It'll be alright Anne, if it meant to be it will." Her husband put an arm around her shoulder and she looked up at him with a smile. Levi watched them disappear and then up at Valerie again. She was sitting besides the man and talking again. He dared move a little closer so he could hear their conversation. The boy from earlier had sat down in front of Valerie, leaning against her and young girl was leaning against her shoulder. Protectively Valerie had put her arm around the girl and soon the two children had fallen asleep.

"They really like you, huh!" The man said. Valerie looked at the two children, care and love visible on her face. He'd seen that expression before as she used to look at Isabel and Farlan the same way.

"I suppose. I don't really know why they do. But I've adored them since the first time I meet them. They're like younger siblings to me." She said and kept her eyes on them.

"Do you have any siblings?" She looked up at the man with a smile.

"No, I was the only child. And after my parents died it was only me and Le…" She stopped, she'd been about to speak his name. She lowered her eyes.

"You're husband; he was a part of the survey corps?" The man said at last, his voice was filled with care and sorrow and it angered Levi. Valerie nodded as her eyes filled up with tears. The man put his hand under her chin, moving her face up so she looked at him. Her forest green eyes were filled with tears which sparkled because of the bonfires. "I hope he understood how lucky he was for having you." It took Levi everything he had not to walk up and beating the life out of the man as he kissed Valerie who obviously hadn't expected it. He clenched his fist, feeling his breath speed in anger. Tears ran down Valerie's face. "Sorry, I should have asked first." She put a hand over her mouth, muffling light sobs as she lowered her eyes again.

"It's alright, it's just…" She trailed off.

"I think I know. I don't want to push you, but I hope you could at least give me a chance." Valerie had looked at him again, then a weak smile formed on her lips before she leaned closer and placed a gentle kiss on the mans cheek and he smiled. It was enough for Levi, as he turned around to walk away he bumped into someone.

"Oi, watch out bastard." The man called out after him, but he didn't care, he needed to get away.

Getting to his horse again, he sat down on the ground, his head in his hands. His head was a mess at the moment, he couldn't think straight and memories and thoughts swirled in his head. Her wide forest green eyes looking up at him in fear the first time he'd seen her. Then everything that followed; arguments and glares, smiles and laughs. Her pained expression after he'd left her with Farlan for a couple of days. Her devastated figure in his arms, clinging to him when Linda had died. The warmth in her eyes every time she looked at him which slowly had turned into love. He questioned his choices, had he really done chosen right. He wanted her to have a good life, she was worth it and wasn't this the good life he had pictured for her after everything. So why did it bother him so much, why did it pain him to see her like this, being happy with another man. Levi sighed and leaned his head back, looking up at the starry sky. What it was with her that he was drawn to he didn't even understand. He sighed again and got up from the ground, not even caring that his pants gotten dirty after sitting on the ground.

He was about to get up on his horse when he heard her voice again.

"Thank you for helping Friedrich!" Looking towards the gate he could see a group of people. Valerie walked besides the man who now carried the sleeping girl in his arms.

"It's my duty as a soldier." The man said with a joking tone and she smiled. Why he decided to follow them he didn't know. After saying good bye to the family that was with them, the four people left walked a short distance to another house. Levi hid in an alley from where he could see the house clearly.

"Ohh, Amelia, I just remember I've gotten such a lovely fabric, why don't you come take a look at it?" The older woman Levi had noted to make sure Valerie was close to the man said to the other woman with them. They disappeared inside a shop connected to the house.

"They're doing it so smoothly." The man said and laughed. Valerie laughed as well and smiled at the man. "Better not disappoint them I suppose!" The man continued, Levi knew what he meant. Valerie looked down at the ground for a moment before she looked up with a smile.

"I suppose that would be stupid!" She answered and he smiled, leaning down and kissing her again.

"Thank you for this wonderful evening." He said when he broke away.

"Thank you too, it was lovely." She gave him a gentle smile. He put a light kiss on her cheek before he turned towards the shop, calling for his mother. The other woman came out with a wide smile and they waved they're good byes. Passing the alley Levi stood in he moved a little so they wouldn't see him.

"Ohh, Friedrich. She's such a lovely girl, you must make sure to marry her." The woman said.

"Calm down mother, you know her history. It can't be easy for her making these kinds of decision." The woman snorted.

"Competing with a dead man. Honey, it's your win no matter how you look on it. How could she refuse?" The woman said arrogantly. "I don't even understand how she could choose to marry a survey corps soldier. No offence but dose bastards are never up to no good. It must have been a forced marriage." The man sighed, not agreeing with his mother. They disappeared and Levi moved out on the street, but when he realized Valerie was still outside he moved quickly into the alley again. In the corner of his eyes he could see her turn towards his direction.

"What is it dear?" He could hear the older woman ask after a moment.

"I just…it felt like someone was watching me." Valerie said and he could hear in her voice she had an idea who it was as well. He cursed himself for not being careful.

"It's been a long and unusual day for you; it's not strange you feel like that. It's nothing to worry about." The older woman disappeared inside but he could still hear her talk happily. Not until he heard the door close he walked out on the street again. He cast one more glance at the house she'd walked into before he started walking towards the gate again. Sighing loud too himself and telling himself it was better like this no matter what he might feel, that now he'd seen her and it was enough. He'd chosen this way of life for her after all, it was better for her with a life without him. Better with a peaceful and normal life, she was worth it!


	6. Chapter 6

"Congratulations dear." Mrs Parker, an older woman who was a regular to the shop, pulled me into a hug which I was unprepared for. I blinked and looked at the woman with a questioning expression.

"To what?" I asked and she laughed as she patted my cheek with a huge smile.

"To your engagement with Private Friedrich Hausler." I blinked at her, then laughed a little.  
"I must have misheard you Mrs Parker; I thought you said I was engaged to Private Hausler." I smiled at the woman who smiled back at me.

"No, that's what I said." I looked at her for a long moment, confused and not following. "Ohh you've truly gotten you a gentleman, sweet and kind but brave as well."

"Who, who says I'm engaged to Friedrich?" I asked when I collected myself.

"Mrs Hart told me that she'd heard it from Mrs Keller who'd been told by Gloria, of course." I turned my head and looked towards Gloria who was helping another customer at the moment and wasn't aware of my conversation. I glared at the woman for a moment before Mrs Parker spoke again. "I'm really happy for you dear. You're really worth this, considering everything." She said and looked a bit sadden. I gave her a polite smile.

"Mrs Parker, I'm sorry to tell you but…me and Friedrich isn't engaged. We're…close friends." I said and now it was her time to look at me with questioning eyes.

"Ohh but…"

"Sorry." It felt terrible having to tell her since she seemed so honestly happy for me but I'd been raised to be honest, and I already felt bad enough for fooling these people with a make up past. Mrs Parker walked off, over to Gloria and by the look on her face I understood Mrs Parker asked her about the engagement. After a moment Mrs Parker exited the shop and Gloria came over to me with a smile on her lips.

"It's not funny." I said and gave her a half glare. She hugged me.

"It's a little funny, and anyways it isn't so far from the truth now is it?" I sighed.

"We're just…" I sighed again and looked out in front of me. "I don't know what we are but we're sure not engaged. And why do you tell people that?" I asked and looked at her.

"I didn't. I just told Mrs Keller that you and Friedrich are most likely on your way to an engagement." I shook my head. Sure it been a little over a month since the celebration and Friedrich had visited the shop and me more often, asking me for strolls and such. We'd shared a lot of conversations and a handful of kisses during this time, but engagement? "What is it dear?" I looked at Gloria, I'd spaced out and letting my thoughts wander. I looked at her for a moment not sure to tell her or not. I'd been battling with it since the celebration. I smiled at her.  
"Nothing, I was just thinking." She narrowed her eyes for a moment and then shrugged.

"Alright, but tell me if it's something bothering you?"

"Well, if you could be so kind stop telling people I'm almost engaged, that would be a starter." I said and grinned at her. She laughed and told me she'd be sure to do so. I smiled at the woman as she walked over to a customer just walking in. I sighed and looked down at the fabric in my hands. I wanted to tell her but I knew she would wave it off, but I was sure by now. The person I'd seen the night of the celebration was Levi.

After Gloria had questioned me all about Friedrich I'd went to bed but had a hard time sleeping. I was pondering and realized I'd felt like someone was watching me the whole evening of the celebration and then just before I was going inside the house someone had walked out of the alley not far from the house. The person had been there for just a moment but it been enough to me to take note of some features. On top of that Erwin had visited me just a couple of days later and I tried to ask him about Levis well being to see if I could get something that could confirm my suspicions. He didn't tell me much but there was something in Erwins eyes for a short moment that confirmed it to me. I don't know if he'd done it intentionally or not but he'd given me everything I needed. Now I wished I hadn't gotten it, instead of one question it now felt like I had a million questions and thoughts in my head. Why had he been here? Did he want to see me or was it just a coincidence? Had he been watching me and what had he seen? I sighed; I would never get any answers to my question. I didn't dare ask Erwin about it and he was the only one I could ask. I wanted to talk about it with Gloria to get some clarity in it but I knew she would start worry that I would seek up Levi and get thrown back to the underground. Of course I'd thought about trying to find him many times but I'd never really tried. I think it scared me that I didn't know how he would react about it and on top of that the threat of being sent back to the underground played a role in it. Being sent back would mean any hope of ever getting back to Levi would disappear, so I waited patiently and hoping he would change his mind or that faith would intervene. And of course it had been that time, just three months after I came to the surface when Eren and his friends had dragged me to see the survey corps leaving thru the gates on an expedition. I'd protested, knowing very well that Levi would be among them, but somehow by joining forces they've gotten me there. Of course I'd seen him sitting on of the horses and the pain in my heart was unbearable. It only been three months but he looked so different. His face was hard and showed no trace of emotion, his eyes dark and focused. He looked and felt stronger than he had in the underground but instead of the caring and loving sense I'd usually got from him it just seemed cold and careless. It both saddened and scared me that he'd become like this. Suddenly his head moved towards my direction like he reacted on something and my first instinct had been to hide, so I ducked; kneeling down on the ground. Eren watched me with wide eyes as I sat on the ground, a hand over my moth and tears running down my cheeks. The poor boy thought I cried because I got reminded of my made up husband and it made my heart ache ever more over this gentle boy who'd in such a short time taken me to his heart and had tried to comfort me in that moment. I'd told them to stay and that it was alright before I stood and left, not looking back.

"Valerie?" I yelped and stumbled backwards when someone spoke my name. Friedrich caught me before I felt backwards and pulled me to him, smiling down at me. I looked up at him with wide eyes and breathed fast. Suddenly his face turned worried. "Is something the matter?" He asked as he put his hand on my cheek stroking away some tears I didn't even know was there. I pushed away from him in a gentle way and put my hands to my face.

"No it's nothing." I said and gave him a weak smile. He didn't buy it but didn't press it; instead he smiled and kissed my forehead. As usual my mind wandered to my time with Levi and I was reminded of the time he'd saved me from Farlans companions and he'd kissed my head to comfort me, that had been the first time he'd kissed me in anyway. I closed my eyes for a moment, the feeling of disloyalty and betrayal I'd gotten used to the last couple of weeks taken a hold of me again. The question was just who I was feeling I was being disloyal to and betraying? The man in front of me giving everything he had to me or the man that left me with only a letter in my hands?


	7. Chapter 7

A month passed by and it was now the middle of July. Mine and Friedrich relationship continued in a steady and calm pass to which I was happy since I was battling with myself everyday over it; I'd started to suspect Friedrich knew it too. He was very careful not to pressure me, but I was surprised that he didn't give up either. I had so much mixed feelings about it all that I didn't know what to do and instead just followed in the same direction Friedrich was pulling us. As usual the sun was rising when I woke up so I watched the sunrise from my window before I walked down stairs. To my surprise the breakfast was already on the table when I came down and Gloria was awaiting me with a huge smile.

"I don't think you ever been up before me since I moved in." I said as I came down and smiled at the woman, she hugged me tight. "What owes me this honour?" She pulled away, her hands still on either side of my shoulder but with wide eyes looking confused.

"Is, isn't it your birthday? I'm sure Erwin told me it was the 14 of july." I looked at her for a long moment.

"My birthday." I said slowly, like the words were foreign for me.

"Ohh dear I'm so sorry. I wasn't sure if you celebrate such things in the underground but you see, up here we usually do." She looked ashamed, like she done something stupid.

"No, no it's alright. It just…I haven't celebrated my birthday since my parents was alive." I said and looked down at the ground. Gloria suddenly hugged me again.

"Then congratulations dear." She said and I smiled into her embrace as she put a hand on my cheek in her usual motherly way. "Now sit down and have some breakfast." She said and I went over to the table and sat down. As we ate she asked me about my birthdays in the underground. I told her they weren't much but enough for me to feel special. My mother always baked a little cake which I got on the morning and on the evening she made something she knew I liked for dinner. Gloria laughed when I told her about the time my grandfather given me a small pocket knife at my twelfth birthday and my parents had scolded him for it and taken it away. He made sure I got it later, when my parents didn't see and told me he would teach me how to use it properly.

"And once my mother had sewed a whole dress to me. It was a beautiful blue dress with a wide skirt." I smiled as I finished her telling about my absolute favourite dress I had when I was seven.

"It sounds wonderful." Gloria said and smiled at me.

"Considering the circumstances it was. Not even a handful of the children living down there have it like that." I sadden a bit thinking about it. "It's tough living in the underground but I shouldn't complain. I had it good. I was taken care of and protected first by my family and then by Levi. Without him I wouldn't even be alive today." I said and lowered my eyes. Gloria watched me in silence.

"I know it's none of my business, but may I ask what happened? With your family? Erwin just told me you lived with Levi, nothing about your family." I looked up at her, thinking in silence for a moment and then smiled sadly at her.

"I don't really know. My dad was from the surfaces, he never told me much about it but I think he had some criminal business going on here and then something happened which made him flee down to the underground. He continued his business down there and one evening some people came to the tavern, I don't know who they where or what they look like but they weren't there to make any deals. I know the leader of the group killed my grandfather first and then my father. Mother told me to hide, so I hide in the pantry. Then someone came into the kitchen. The person killed my mother and then walked out. But then the doors to the pantry opened and there Levi stood, just looking down at me with his steel grey eyes, so intense that I almost stopped breathing. I thought I was going to die when he suddenly closed the door and told the others it was empty." I silenced and Gloria just looked at me with horrified eyes.

"Why didn't he kill you?" She suddenly asked and I looked up at her.

"I don't know." I told her, the question had been rolling in my mind for many years but I'd decided not to dwell too much about it. I had never dared question him about it and later I'd figured he probably didn't know himself.

"Maybe he just thought you were too beautiful to kill." She said and smiled at me; I couldn't help but laugh at it.

"Trust me; he's not the type to care about such things." I said and took a sip of my tea. Gloria smiled at me. "I don't ever think I heard him speak about the beauty of anything. No, he doesn't see the world like that. Well there isn't really much beauty to speak about in the underground when I think about it."

"Tell me, do you think he loved you?" I looked at her again, for a long moment I was silent and then I smiled.

"Yes, I think that's way he pushed me away." Gloria looked confused but I'd had a lot of time to think about this. "Loosing Farlan and Isabel like that, it surely destroyed him. I'm sure he blames himself for it and I think what made him decide to push me away was that fear of loosing me to, that I would blame him as well for what happened and eventually not be able to stay with him and leave. I think it was easier for him to push me away then risking too loose me." Gloria looked at me with a sad expression on her face.

"How he ever could do this to you, it's beyond my understanding. I hope he realizes what he gave up and that he regrets it. After everything you've been thru you're still so strong, kind-hearted and caring. It truly amazes me, you know, and you're worth all the happiness and love in the world." Gloria had stood up and was now by my side, her hand stroking my cheek and looking down at me with care and comfort.

"Thank you Gloria." I said and smiled up at her, a mixture of sad and happy tears in my eyes.

"It's nothing to thank for, it's the truth." She whispered as she kissed my forehead.

After Gloria and I had collected our self after the morning's conversation she told me I could just take it easy today and that I didn't need to help in the shop. I told her I had nothing better do to do anyways. Well that was what I thought until a little after lunch when Eren, Mikasa and Armin came running into the store and told Gloria they needed to borrow me. She told me it was alright and with that they dragged me out of the store with out explanation. They dragged me to their usual spot by the canal.

"Congratulation, Valerie." They shouted, well Eren did most of the shouting. I smiled and laughed at them.

"Thank you, how did you know?" I had to ask.

"Mom told us." Eren said and looked at Mikasa who nodded. I smiled, sure of that Gloria had told Carla. I sighed and smiled at the three.

"But really guys, you didn't have to drag me the whole way here to congratulate me." I said and looked around the canal; it was almost empty of people.

"Yes we had." Eren said and I looked back at him, he grinned from me to Armin. That's when I noted the book in his arms. Armin blush a little.

"We wanted to show you this book. I got it from my grandfather; it's about the world outside the walls." I looked at the boy in surprise, I had no idea such a book existed. I knew the three of them wanted to go outside the wall and explore but had just believed it was dreams raised from their curiosity. It accrued to me it may was this book which made their will so strong since most children I'd gotten to knew here was content with living inside the walls and didn't seem to wonder to much about the outer world. "You want to see?" Armin asked and I smiled at him.

"Yes, I absolutely do want to." I said and we sat down. They pointed at all the drawn pictures and told me all about places filled with sand as far eyes could see, whole lakes frozen to ice and tropical forests. I smiled as they talked with longing, curiosity and enthusiasm about everything the world had to offer. If this book was for real or not, I didn't know but it didn't matter as I saw their eyes lit up over the endless adventures that they believed could be found outside the walls. It also pained me since the threat of the titans was long from over and the possibility to explore the outside world was slim for the three of them. After a while Armin had to get back home and the three of us left told him good bye. It wasn't long until we started to make our way home as well. Eren continue to talk all about the outside world and joining the survey corps. It was dinner time by the time we where back and coming closer to the house I could see the entrance being open and hear voices from inside. It turned out that Gloria had invited Anne and her family, Carla and Grisha, as well as Friedrichs family.

"Ohh you're back." Gloria smiled at us from where she stood by the stove preparing dinner; it looked like a whole feast. Carla and Grisha came up congratulating me, Carla hugging me. Anne and her youngest son Vinzenz hugged me as well. At last Amelia came up hugging me.

"Friedrich will be here soon as well, he had to take the afternoon shift." I smiled at her and nodded. I then turned to help Gloria and Carla with the dinner who gave me a meaning look.  
"No, sit down and try relax like normal people for once in your life." Gloria said and warned me with her eyes. I smiled at her and sat down by the table together with the others. I didn't need to worry about talking either since the other women in the household kept a flowing conversation going. Gloria announced it was dinner and we started eating. Amelia started worrying over Friedrich being late after we'd eaten since he'd said he would be there to dinner.

"I can go look for him." I said and stood from the table. Amelias eyes shinned up at this.

"Ah he's fine, he's a strong lad." Her husband Gerhold said and looked proud. I smiled and nodded at the man before I walked over to the door.

"I'll be back soon." I said and walked out. Honestly it was nice to get out for a little and to be alone. I wandered the streets down to the gate, looking around but I couldn't see Friedrich anywhere.

"Oi girl. Are you looking for someone?" One of the guards said obviously drunk, I hadn't seen him before but the man sitting besides him I'd seen with Friedrich a couple of times.

"Ehum, yes. Private Hausler, he was supposed to work the afternoon shift today and then meet up with me but he hasn't yet. Do you know where he is?" I asked a bit hesitant, keeping my distant.

"Ahh Friedrich you mean. Yeah, he left a little while ago." The man said and stood, walking towards me. "What would such a lovely girl have to do with him?"

"We're friends." I said and backed a little, getting the well-known feeling of danger spreading thru my body just like the way it often did while I lived in the underground city. "Well thank you, for the information. I'd go see if I can find him elsewhere. Good bye." I turned around but the man grabbed me by my arm, stopping me.  
"Friends you say, huh?" He said. "Then what's the hurry? Why don't you stay and show your gratitude to us brave soldiers protecting your delicate body from the titans." He'd turned me around by now and was looking me up and down.

"Uhm, I really need to go. I'm sorry." I said, trying to free myself from his grip.

"Ah come on, a kiss at least." He said and leaned closer, I tried to move away from him but he still got me in a hard grip.

"Let her go." I froze at the words and for a moment I expected someone else. A part of me got disappointed when I turned my head to see Friedrich standing behind me. The man let go of me with a laugh.

"It was just a joke man, nothing to worry about." Friedrich walked towards the man, placing himself in front of me in a protective manner. "If I see or hear you've been joking with her again, I'll make sure your sorry excuse for an ass will be kicked out of the garrison." The man looked at him with an unsure expression on his face but then he looked at me.

"Sorry Ms, it won't happen again." With that he turned around, muttering and walked back to his place. Friedrich watched him for a moment until he turned around and looked at me.

"Are you alright?" I nodded.

"I'm fine." He breathed out and then smiled at me.

"Sorry for having you come here. The other shift got late so I was stuck and then I wanted to change from my uniform. And when I came to your house they told me you left to look for me." He said and I looked at his clothes. He had indeed his regular clothes on.  
"Your mother was worried so I offered to go look." Friedrich smiled and then he realized something.

"That's right. Congratulations." He said and leaned down to kiss me.

"Thank you." I said with a blush on my face when he pulled away. He smiled at me.

"Come on, let's get back before they start worry to much." He said and reached out his hand for me to take. I hesitated for a moment before I took it. I was still glad Friedrich showed up in the right moment, but the person I'd hoped to see at that moment wasn't him. We walked the way back to my house and when we came back everyone was relived, well Gerhold had been sure there was nothing to worry about. We said nothing about the incident and the evening continued with conversations and laughter. I for the most sat silent, yet again getting the feeling of disloyalty and betrayal. From time to time Friedrich looked at me and I gave him a weak smile in return. I could see in his eyes he thought it was the incident that made me like this and it pained me even more.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello everyone! Sorry I missed the update yesterday. Wasn't home for most of the day and when I came home I crashed in the bed and simply forgot to update. So here it is today instead. Hope you like!  
**

* * *

"How about some apple pie?" I asked Friedrich as I picked up a green apple looking at it for a moment before I turned to him as he did not answer. He was looking towards the main street running from the outer gate to the inner gate. I looked towards it as well and saw people gathering up.

"They're back already." He said with a low voice and a grime look on his face.

"What's going on?" Friedrich looked at me, his eyes showing concern.

"The survey corps, they're back from their expedition." I dropped the apple in my hand; I hadn't even known they'd headed out again. I usually didn't know about when the expeditions took place but knowing about it now made me worried. My eyes redirected towards the crowd and I felt myself moving towards it. Just as I came up to the crowd the survey corps soldier passed by, being short and standing behind people made it difficult for me to see the soldiers passing. I felt panic spread thru my body, what if he wasn't among them? Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around me, pulling me close. Looking up Friedrich looked down at me, his eyes still concerned. "You know his not there." At first I froze then I realized he was talking about my made up husband and I relaxed a little, having to yet again remind myself he didn't know about my true past. I looked down at the ground and he pulled me closer as I started to cry. I knew he did it because he thought I cried over my dead husband but I was really crying because I was torn apart, not even knowing which foot to stand on anymore and feeling like I'd slowly had been loosing who I was. And here I was, embraced by an undeniably wonderful man who devoted himself to me even though I hardly gave anything in return and all I could think about in this moment was if the man I truly love was dead or alive. Suddenly a woman started shouting.

"Moses, Moses." I looked up, an older woman walked out on the street, approaching two soldiers. "Um, my son, Moses…I don't see him. Where is he?" She approached one of the men who I recognized as commander Shadis, I'd meet him a few times during my stay at the survey corps headquarters.

"This is Moses mother. Bring it." At the words the woman let go of Shadis and stepped back, another soldier went to get something wrapped in fabric and placed it in the woman's arms. Unwrapping it she started to cry. I couldn't see what is was but I felt the grip around me tighten and looked up at Friedrich whose face turned angry.

"This is all we managed retrieve." The woman dropped to her knees and I couldn't see her anymore.  
"But my son…he helped, right? Even if he didn't do anything directly… my sons death helped humanity fight back, didn't it?" The woman screamed, I felt my heart start pounding and placed a hand on my chest.

"Of course!" The commander said but then he looked down. "No. Our recon this time didn't… No, we never…never learn a thing! It's my fault, my own incompetence killed our men! And we still don't even know what they are!" The commander screamed. I gasped and my eyes widened at his words. After that the soldiers moved on and people around us kept talking about the survey corps uselessness. It angered me, why I wasn't quite sure about.

"Useless bastards!" Friedrich muttered in anger. We hadn't really talked much about it but I'd figured out he wasn't to keen on the survey corps and seemed to agree with most people about them being a waste of money. "Come on, let's go!" He said and took a hold of my hand, pulling me away from the scattering crowd and back to the market place. Suddenly he stopped and turned around, looking down at me. "Are you alright?" I looked up at him and gave him a weak smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just…" I didn't get to finish since my words were stopped by Friedrich's lips connecting with mine, he pulled me into a deep kiss. It was forceful and aggressive, which surprised me and I tried to push myself away from him. At the moment my hands start push he let go. I looked at him with wide, fearful and tear filled eyes and I could see in his eyes that he knew he'd done wrong.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Valerie. But I know you miss him, but I…I want you as mine. And I try really hard to accept that this hasn't been easy to you and that his always going to be a part of you but it's really difficult sometimes." I kept looking at him, tears running down my cheek now.

"I'm sorry." Was all I could think of, I didn't know what else I could say since the truth was that it wasn't just a part of me who belonged to someone else; it was the whole of me. Friedrich started stroking away my tears, it just made me cry more.

"It's alright; I just...please don't make me wait longer because I love you." He whispered. I froze, it was the first time he said it and it scared me. I backed, moved away from him and shook my head.

"I…I can't, I'm sorry….I just can't…" I could see his heartbreak. I ran as fast as I could away from him and didn't stop until I came home.

Gloria must have heard the front door to the house open since she came in from the shop to look, her eyes went wide when she saw me sitting against the door, breathless and still crying. She came over, kneeling down on the ground in front of me.

"What happened, Valerie?" She asked, putting her hand on my cheek, I drew my head away a little from her touch.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" I didn't look at her but I could hear in her voice how worried she was.

"Everything." I whispered, still crying. She pulled me into a hug, holding me tight and stroked my hair.

"Now, now darling, you've got nothing to be sorry for, you hear me. Everything that happened to you has been pure injustice. You're worth so much more and you've got no one to be sorry to."

"Yes I have."

"Who?"

"Friedrich." I felt Gloria's body freeze up a little at this but she soon relaxed and somehow it seemed like she understood my feelings.

"I had a feeling it would come to this." She said and held me tighter. "Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll talk to Friedrich; tell him it's too soon and that you're sorry." She hushed.

"I tried, Gloria, I really did." I whispered thru my tears.

"I know you have, and you've given it your best. I'm sorry for pushing you." She kissed my forehead. "Ohh and if I could just get my hands on that sorry excuse of a man that left you like this. I'll talk to Erwin, forcing that coward out; he's not getting away with this." We sat for a moment, her holding me and kissing my head, until I'd calmed down enough for her to dare letting go of me. "Now, go upstairs and get some rest, and don't think too much about this, it'll be alright." She stood up, reaching out her hand and helping me to stand up. She hugged me one last time before she ordered me up to my room. I did as she said and walked up, looking down from the stairs at her one more time. She smiled at me, her face a mixture of love, care, sadness and concern. Then I went to my room to rest, but fell asleep immediately instead.

I was startled awake by a loud rumble and the earth sake. Being wide awake I got up from the bed and ran downstairs, shouting out for Gloria but didn't stop to get an answer as I ran outside. Instinctively my eyes turned towards the wall. My eyes widened at the sight and I felt like everything suddenly stood still in time as it felt like both my heart and breath stopped. I froze in place just watching the huge hand holding on to the wall. Soon looking down at the city over the wall was a titan.


	9. Chapter 9

How was this even possible? The wall was 50 meter high and I knew for a fact there were no documents on titans that tall. The titan moved and then there was a loud smash and loads of debris from the wall came flying. I gasped and it suddenly accrued to me that Gloria wasn't outside yet. I ran into the house again, aware that it was probably not the safest option in case one of the huge stones from the wall hit it.

"Gloria." I called out but got no answer. I could hear how the debris landed outside and then something smashed down into the house, parts of the house flee around because of the impact and I was hit by a piece of tree, knocking me down on the floor but not enough to hurt me. Standing again I looked around the room when my eyes landed on a note on the table. I picked it up and read, feeling the panic as I read that she'd gone to talk with Friedrich. I bit my lip, looking towards the door. I didn't know what to do. The titans were clearly breaking through the wall and we needed to evacuate. It was the screams outside that made me get out of the house. Looking towards Erens house I gasped as I saw a large piece of stone had landed on his house and among the wreckage Carla had been pined. I ran over to the house, trying to get her free

"Mom, mom." I could hear Erens voice coming close and Carla reacted as well looking terrified.

"Eren." She said and looked up at him. He ran up and took hold of the beam laying over her as well did Mikasa.

"Mikasa, grab the side! We have to get this off her!" His voice was full of panic. I stood and tried to help them lift the beam. It was impossible to even rub it. Loud footsteps from Erens side made us all look towards the direction and a couple of houses away we could see titans walking by. Then the sounds seemed to get closer until I realized the sounds came from up front and turned my head forward to see a titan standing just a bit away from us. My eyes widened in panic. "Hurry, Mikasa, Valerie!"

"I know." Mikasa answered and we all hurried to try and lift the beam.

"The titans are inside, aren't they?" Carla whispered and I looked down at her. She met my eyes and I understood it was answer enough for her. "Eren, take Mikasa and run! Now!"

"I want to run! So hurry up and get out of there!"

"My legs were crushed by the rubble. Even if I get out, I can't run! You understand don't you?" Erens eyes widened in panic and I felt my own tear up. I didn't have any strength left and I knew we weren't going to be able to lift the beam.

"Then I'll carry you!" Eren screamed.

"Why do you never listen to me?!" Carla shouted back, tears in her eyes. Besides me Mikasa was breathing fast and heavy, tears building in her eyes as well. "At least this one last time! Mikasa, Valerie." I looked at her and then at Mikasa besides me who once again, just like Eren tried to lift the beam. Then I looked at Eren and at last at the titan which was closing in. I closed my eyes, my hands letting go of the beam and breathed in. My thoughts went to Levi, how would he react when he heard about this?

The sounds of a wire pulling forward made me open my eyes again and turn my head. A soldier from the Garrison landed on the ground, I recognized him but couldn't put a name to his face at the moment. Carla could however.

"Hannes!" He was one of the soldiers usually guarding the gate, getting drunk and just resting easy. "Take the children and run!" Carla begged but he kneeled down in front of her instead and gave her a light smile.

"Don't underestimate me, Carla. I'll defeat the titan, and save you all!" He said and stood, charging forwards the titan. I watched with wide eyes as he ran towards the titan, Carla calling out for him to not fight the titan. I as well called out for him to stop but he didn't at first. But then suddenly he stopped, just starring at the titan and after a moment he collected himself and turned around. He ran towards us and grabbed Eren and then Mikasa. I sat still watching as he started running with them, Eren screaming to let him go.

"Thank you!" I looked down at Carla, she smiled. Then she looked at me. "Take care of them." She said and her eyes told me it was alright for me to leave. I looked up at the titan again and then back at her, tears running down my cheek now.

"I promise." I said before I stood and started running after Hannes and the children. Carla screamed to Eren and Mikasa to stay alive. I looked backwards as the titan reached down and picked up Carla. It squeezed her body, blood sprouting out of her mouth and then her body went limb. I turned forward again, not wanting to see the titan eat her. I noticed both Eren and Mikasa were watching it. Eren just stared; his mouth opened as if he wanted to scream but couldn't find his voice. Mikasa looked away and my heart ached for them.

When we'd run thru a few streets Eren suddenly hit Hannes in the back of his head.

"Eren, what the…"

"A little longer, and we could have saved our mom!" Eren screamed as he used his leg to kick Hannes in the face. "And you think you can just do as you please!" Hannes threw Eren down on the ground and then sat down, still holding Mikasa under his arm. I stood behind them, tears running down my cheek and trying to catch my breath.

"You couldn't save your mom…because…you weren't strong enough to do so…as for me…" Eren charged forward, to hit Hannes but he stopped him, grabbing his arm. "I couldn't stand and face the titan…because I simply didn't have the courage…!" Both Hannes and Eren cried now. Hannes stood, still holding Eren and pulling him up. "Forgive me….Forgive me." He pulled Eren and Mikasa towards and I followed. At last we made it to the evacuating boats; Hannes got both me and the children on one both quick. He as well told me to look after them and I promised him I would. I sat with Eren and Mikasa on the boat, the noises was so loud; people screaming and crying. The boats were overfull but still more people wanted on and they had to push them away as the boat was to departure. I tried to stay collected, I couldn't panic now. I had to stay strong for the sake of Eren and Mikasa. All around us on the boat were people holding their heads, crying, trembling and having face expression of panic, horror, sadness and despaired. I was sure I looked the same. I looked down at Eren and Mikasa besides me, they were looking straight forward; their expressions blank. Suddenly I heard someone scream that they needed to seal the gate to prevent the titans from getting further in the human territory. I couldn't stop the tears which run down my face again; there were still people alive in the city. Still I understood the reasoning, how horrible it even was. Just as they started to close the gate something hit the wall and coming running thru it was a titan. We all watched it in horror and I put my hand over my mouth to muffle my loud crying. When Eren suddenly stood I looked up at him. He walked forwards.

"I'll kill them. I'll kill them." Besides me Mikasa stood as well. I sat still on the ground just watching him.

"What's wrong Eren?" Armin came and placed his hand on Erens shoulder but he pushed Armin away, continuing forward. "Eren?" He took a hard hold of the rail, crying.

"I'll kill them all! I'll wipe every one of them off the face of this earth!" I kept my eyes on him for a moment, before I lowered them wishing I would wake up from this bad dream, wake up in my old home in the underground, wake up with a startle and see Levi stare at me with blank, uninterested eyes wondering what I was doing. This was all just a bad dream!


	10. Chapter 10

Levi sat in his office, not practically looking at anything. He thought about the meeting where they'd been informed about the titans breaking thru the outer wall thru Shiganshina District; of all the places. The amount of dead hadn't been established, but they all knew there would be countless of lives that been taken in the attack. Only a handful of boats had had the time to evacuate before the colossal titan had broken thru the other wall. The Troast district was where the survivors had come to and a refuge camp would be set up there until they'd gotten records of the survivors and could help them to establish new homes. Erwin had watched him during the meeting, surely trying to figure out his thoughts. Levi tsked as he leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes.

He'd heard something move in the pantry and silently walked over to it, opening the doors. On the floor a girl sat her neat hands pressed over her mouth and her wide forest green eyes looking up at him in fear and panic. Still she didn't scream or make a move; she just stared up at him. He just watched her for a moment until someone speaking made him look up.

"Did you find her?"

"No, must have escaped thru the window." He closed the pantry and nodded towards the open window.

"Than you stay behind, she'll come back, she has nowhere to go and when she figure that out she comes back, and when she does you'll kill her boy." He walked out of the kitchen and the tavern to watch the others leave, making sure they were gone before he turned back inside and walked to the pantry. Opening the doors again the girls eyes once again shoot up to look at him, still she did not make a sound or move. Her hands this time was down from her face and he could see her mouth was slightly opened, breathing slowly as she seemed to try to calm down even when being face to face with him. He watched her for a moment, wondering why he felt the need to let her live. There was nothing special about her from what he could tell; she was an average underground kid. And she looked like the average teenagers, expect from being shorter and cleaner, and of course calmer about the situation. But nothing of that made her stand out and he couldn't put his finger on it expect from that something about her made him hesitate and decided not to kill her.

A knock on the door made him open his eyes again. The image of the first time he meet Valerie still in his mind as he told the person to come in.

"Enter!" He wasn't surprised to see Erwin walking inside. He tsked, knowing what the man wanted. "I don't want to hear it." Erwin walked over to the chair opposite the desk and sat down. He was silent for a moment, looking down at his folded hands.

"She saw you that night." The words weren't what he'd expected and he lifted an eyebrow not following what Erwin was talking about. Erwin looked up at him. "The first of May celebration." He remembered and sighed. "I visited her some days after and she was very intent on knowing about your well-being, but she was searching for another answer."

"It doesn't matter." Levi said and stood from his chair. Erwin watched him.

"Why?" He questioned. "Do you have that little of faith in her?" This made the shorter man look at him, a mixture of emotions in his eyes.

"Don't." Erwin stood from the chair.

"I won't." He answered before he left the office. Levi breathed out the moment he closed the door and slammed his fist on the desk which cracked slightly at the impact. Sitting down in his chair again he put his head in his hands. Of course he didn't have that little faith in her, but this wasn't nothing like surviving in the underground. He'd seen what the titans could do to trained soldiers. Honestly he didn't know what to believe at the moment. He moved his hands out of his face, breathing out; she was alive, she had to be!


	11. Chapter 11

A month had passed since that awful day. I'd understand this wasn't a bad dream and that I wouldn't wake up all in panic with Levi sitting in his chair in our shared room in the underground city staring at me with questioning eyes. Instead I was now sitting in the sleeping are of a food storehouse in Trost District that been turned into a refuge camp. Lucky enough we'd been put in the same are as Armin and his grandfather and the three children slept close to each other. I made sure to keep Eren and Mikasa close to me, especially after the first night when I'd woken with a startle and found Eren was missing. I'd ran out in panic but soon meet commander Shadis who was carrying him and telling me he just found him in the woods. He put him back to bed and I thanked him for finding and bring Eren back before he disappeared without a word. The next morning Eren had no memory of this and I found it strange but could tell he was honest about it. Soon after we'd arrived to Troast District all of us were sent to till the wastelands so we could bring in more food, a subject which was wildly discussed. The citizens of Wall Rose were blaming us refuges for the lack of food like it was our fault the titans had attacked. I tried to ignore the angry soldiers muttering over having to share their food with the refuges. I made sure Eren and Mikasa got as much to eat as they could, even if it mean I only ate a few days a week; anything to keep their strength up. I had a hard time sleeping as well and awoke several times in panic and sweat. Eren too did have much trouble with his sleep and he tossed and turned, mumbling a lot in his sleep. I tried to comfort him as much as I could but I felt like it wasn't enough. At the moment I was sitting in front of their sleeping places, looking down at the two. I had hardly slept again but Eren had been quite calm this night, still the pain on their faces was visible even in sleep. I knew I had to wake them soon so we could go work on the fields but I held out as long as I could so they would get all energy they could. My own body was exhausted and craved both sleep and food but I didn't allow myself to fall into it and pushed it away, ignoring my body's craving and focusing everything on Eren and Mikasa. Eren stirred and I put my hand on his head, stroking his hair. He calmed down. I sighed and looked around the room. Slowly people were making their way up. The devastation was palpable; so many life destroy and families torn apart. I thought back on these weeks. One week after arriving to Trost Amelia Hausler had caught sight of me and came up to me, throwing her arms around me in tears. She'd told me she didn't know where Friedrich was, that she was afraid he was dead and asked me if I hadn't been with him the day of the attack. It hit me then that I hadn't given any thought to him since the start of the attack. I told her when I'd last been with him but left out the part of me running away from him. I couldn't tell her that part and from what I could gather by the sight only two of her four children had survived, her husband where no were to be seen either. I felt ashamed for forgetting about Friedrich but at the same time my top priority was the two children sleeping in front of me. I hadn't been able to find either Gloria or her daughter and her family and by now I'd come to understand they hadn't made it.

"Valerie." I looked down at Eren who'd waken. He looked up at me and I gave him a small smile.

"Good morning." Mikasa and Armin woke up as well and the three children sat up. I gave them the some of mine bread that I'd saved up and they ate slowly. As they did I took the time to try to brush out their hair as much I could with my hands. Both Mikasa and Armin sat still and didn't say much as I pulled my hand thru their not to tangled hairs. Eren on the other hand groaned and complained the whole time; then again his hair had a tendency to tangle quite the lot when he slept. After that we left for the fields.

And so the days, weeks and months went on until one day when the records of the survivors was finished. With the announces of the survivor records it was also told that it had been decided that all the children under the age of sixteen that had no relatives alive would be gathered and put in an orphanage, with the exceptions for those over thirteen and willing to start training for the military. Since Eren and Mikasa was eleven I realized this meant they could take them away from me if I didn't do something. Finding some soldiers from the Garrison who was in charge of the refuges I asked them about it and they simply told me that if I wasn't a relative to the children then I couldn't keep them. I continued arguing with them.

"I've promised their mother to take care of them. They're as close as a family I have." I told the man who looked angry.

"Now listen woman, for the last time there's nothing you can do. They're not yours to decide over." I looked at the man with wide eyes.

"Not mine…they're not the governments either!? How can you honestly think it's better for them to grow up in an orphanage with strangers than with someone they know and trust in? Do you even understand what these children been thru? They need me. I promised their mother I would take care of them." I screamed at the man and felt angry.

"Shut up." He hit me hard in the face and I stumble backwards. "It's disgusting how you people think you can come here, taking up space and food and on top of that start demanding things. Get lost before I hurt you seriously!" I stood up and glared at the man.

"I'm not giving up. I want custody of those children." I said and he sighed, closing in on me. I didn't lower my eyes and just as he was about to hit me someone stopped him.

"Have we lowered ourselves to hit women now?"

"Captain." The man said and stood straight. He was about to speak again but the captain that stopped him put a hand up, showing he didn't care for any excuse the man had. Instead the captain looked at me.

"Are you alright ma'am?" He asked.

"No, as I just explained for this man I want custody of two children. Their not my relatives but I'm close to their family and I did promise their mother to take care of them." The captain nodded his head but I could tell what the answer would be by the look of his face.

"I understand that ma'am, but the government had decided on this and the only way to overrule it is to get the approval of someone sitting on high chairs. So as long as you're not befriended with someone in the government or a commander there's nothing that can be done." I breathed out, feeling defeated when it suddenly hit me I did actually know such a person now. I looked up at the man and smiled.

"I want to speak with Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps."


	12. Chapter 12

It had been a couple of days since my discussion with the soldiers from the Garrison. The soldiers had watched me with disbelief when I'd mentioned Erwins name but the Captain had promised he'd make contact with him. I'd started too give up hope by now. I guessed the man hadn't even contacted Erwin, not believing me to know him. We were working on the fields today. The events of the last couple of months started to get a tool on me after this failure trying to get the custody of Eren and Mikasa. I still hadn't talked to them about it and the gathering of the orphaned children was going to begin in a few days. I put my hand up to my eyes as I felt the tears building up yet again. Mr Arlert looked at me and I gave him a weak smile trying to show him it was alright.

"Mrs Evans." The sound of my name made me look up. Coming towards me was the Captain from the Garrison to whom I'd spoke with. I stopped and looked up at him. "Commander Smith is waiting for you in the town."

The carriage ride into to town felt like it took forever. At last it stopped outside the house that the Garrison held as office close to the refuge camp. The Captain led me inside and knocked on the room. After a short moment I could hear Erwin call out for us to enter. The Captain opened the door for me and ushered me to walk in.

"Thank you!" I said with a low voice to the Captain who nodded at me. I walked in to the room and he closed the door behind me. Erwin stood in the room, looking down at some papers at the desk.

"Ms Evans. It glads me to see you alive." He said when the door closed, looking up at me with his neutral smile. I smiled slightly. "So I heard you had some business to discuss with me?" He walked around the desk and came towards me.

"Yes, I have." I said and looked up at him. "The thing is I need your help Erwin. There's been decided that all the children whom lost all relatives will be put in an orphanage."  
"So I heard." Erwin said and I bit myself as I lowered my eyes.

"It's just…my neighbour's children, I've grown very fond of them and…and…" Tears built up in my eyes now as I thought back to Carlas last words. "…I promised their mother, I promised her to take care of them…but they won't let me since I'm not a relative to them. They told me the only why was if I knew someone in the government or a commander and I remembered I heard that you've been appointed the commander of the survey corps a couple of weeks back. So I just…I…" I started trembling and I put my hand over my chest since my heart felt like it would shatter from all the pain and hurt I was feeling at the moment. All the things that happened to me this year came too me and it hurt like hell. "Please Erwin. I've done everything you and Levi asked of me. I stayed away; I didn't interfere nor complained, I continued living just as he told me to. Although it pains me and I want to see him, I've stayed away. So now I beg you for this one thing. Please, help me." My legs gave in because of the exhaustion I've felt the last couple of days. I continued pled to him thru my cries, for how long I didn't know but suddenly he kneeled down in front of me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Valerie." I looked up at him, wide eyed since he'd never said my first name before. He smiled at me. "I'll make sure you gain custody over the children, and I expect nothing in return expect from what you already do." For a short moment I just stared at the man in disbelief and then my body moved on it's on. I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried into his chest. I felt him tense for a moment before he relaxed. I moved away since I realized what I done and looked down at the floor. "Sorry and thank you." He reached out his hand and I looked at him, he still smiled.

"It's alright." I took his hand and he helped me stand. He let go of my hand when I'd gotten on my feet. "I'll take care of this and send someone to get you when the papers for the custody needs to be filled out." I nodded and smiled at him.

"Thank you so much Erwin."

After that I was brought back to the fields, running to Eren and Mikasa and hugging them as I told them the news. Just a week later I was summoned to fill out the papers of custody of Eren and Mikasa, they were now my responsibility for real. This gave me new energy and yet again I could ignore my exhaustion and focus on the two children whom now become a part of my life for sure. A year since the attack passed by and the government had decided they would try to reclaim Wall Maria with the strength of soldiers and refuges. Erwin had sent a message to me informing me he'd made sure I didn't need to be a part of this mission. Mr Arlert, on the other hand, together with two hundred fifty thousand others was forced to go back to Wall Maria. I promised him that I would take care of Armin until he came back. Just over a hundred of people did.

"Armin." He was sitting with his grandfather's hat, just staring at it. I sat down besides him in silence. Tears run down the boy's face. I sighed and then pulled him close to me, stroking his hair as his tears escalated. We sat like that for a while until he calmed down and I stroke away the last tears on his face and looked at him. "I'm not leaving you. I'll always be here for you, Eren and Mikasa." I told him and gave him a comforting smile. He nodded and lowered his eyes. I kissed his forehead. The next day I made sure to get in contact with Erwin and yet again ask him to help me with the custody. He didn't question it and in just a week I did not only have the custody of Armin but also a small house within the Trost District. How Erwin had managed to do it I didn't know but I was happy and the three of us soon could move into the small house. After the mission in whom so many people died the food shortage alleviated a little as well and soon things turned into as much of a normal day it could.


	13. Chapter 13

I wrinkled my nose slightly as I looked at my index finger which I'd just swept over the surface of the kitchen counter. A layer of dust now covered my finger and on the counter a line now was. Sure I'd grown up in the underground but my mother had been keen on keeping everything cleaned and of course living with Levi whose standards of cleanliness had been ridiculous at times had made me even fussier about cleaning. I sighed and looked around the rest of the large room which contained of a kitchen connected with a living room. The windows very dirty, a thin layer of dust lay over the surfaces of the room, I could spot cobweb and dust rats and an odour of stuffiness hang in the room.

"It'll take some time to clean and get tidy, but I think it'll make a good home ma'am." The female solider besides me said and looked around the room as well, I looked at the woman who couldn't be much younger than me. She and another soldier had escorted us here and I recalled her name being Johanna Hausler.

"Call me Valerie." I said and her blue eyes widened a bit in a embracement as a small blush crept over her face.

"Sorry, I didn't…" I put a hand on her shoulder and smiled.

"It's alright, and yes you're absolutely right; this will make a good home." I said and looked around the room again seeing the potential under the dirt.

"We've picked the bedrooms." My eyes directed to the stairs where the three children now stood. It seemed that the task given to them to pick bedrooms was boring from what I could tell from Eren lazily hanging over the rail to the stairs.

"Do tell me!" I said and waited patiently for the answer.

"You and Mikasa get the left room and I and Armin share the other." He said, sound as bored as he looked.

"Sounds good." I said and smiled at them as well did Private Hausler.

"So will you be alright? Do you need some help?" She asked then and turned towards me. I was about to speak when the male soldier whom been leaning against the doorframe to the entrance spoke.

"Our orders were strictly to escort them here." He said and stood. "No offence ma'am." He nodded at me and I smiled, but inwardly I rolled my eyes at the ma'am, honestly how old did I look.

"No worry Private…"

"Adam Johnson." The man said and I nodded.

"Private Johnson. We can fend for ourselves." I said and cast a glance at the children, one of them looking horrified as he understood what I was saying. The other two looked calm about it.

"Good, then here." He said and reached out a envelope for me, I looked at it with a raised eyebrow. "It's your allowance."

"Allowance?" I asked and looked up at him. He seemed irritated over my question but as the proper soldier he was he explained.  
"Since you're a guardian to those three and without employment of your own Commander Smith have granted you an allowance on the behalf of the survey corps." I could hear Eren breathe out in amazement behind me at the mention of Erwin. "Me and Private Hausler will come here once a month and deliver the allowance. It would be enough to cover the necessary expenses." I nodded my head and looked up at the man in front of me.  
"Be sure to let Commander Smith know about my gratitude towards him and the Survey Corps." Private Johanson nodded.

"Good bye then Mrs Evans." He said and turned, signalling to Hausler to follow, she smiled at me and bid her good bye as well. When they were gone I turned to the three still standing in the stairs. I could see in Erens face he had a million questions.

"You know Commander Erwin Smith?" Was the first and I just smiled at him.

"I'll answer all you're questions, but first…we have to clean!" I announced and was greeted with a loud groan in dismay.

The rest of the day we cleaned. I was thankful it was a sunny day so we could open up all the windows and doors to ventilate the house. I gave the task to clean the bedrooms to Eren, Armin and Mikasa. I could hear Eren groan loudly and complaining in anger and Armin trying to calm him down from the upper floor and couldn't help to smile as I could picture the scene; Eren probably sitting around and doing nothing as Mikasa and Armin actually cleaned the rooms. I focused on the down stair and the small backyard which had a clothesline. As the evening took over and the sun sunk I'd closed the doors and windows. Sniffing I smiled as the smell of stuffiness was almost gone. Before I started with dinner I walked upstairs to look how it was going for the three. I wasn't surprised to find Eren lying in the bed of the room they were in, lazily playing with a feather duster.

"Enjoying yourself I see!" I said, crossing my arms over my chest. Eren sat up immediately in the bed.

"I was just taking a break."

"Ohh that sounds nice Eren. How about giving Mikasa and Armin a break now and you take care of the rest of the cleaning, hmm?" I asked and he looked pale. I looked at the other two and signalled for them to stop whatever they were doing. And then I looked back at Eren with a stern look on my face. "Now, I'm going to start with dinner and when I come up here to tell you it's finished, I expect you to be finished with the cleaning as well." He groaned and was about to open his mouth to argue but I shot him a glare. "Now!" I said with impact and he closed his mouth. I turned out of the room and after a short moment I was followed by Mikasa and Armin. Walking down the stairs I questioned myself for maybe being to hard but I shook the thought out of my head. I'd decided the moment I got the custody I had to be resolute and firm, especially with Eren since he was so headstrong.

"It'll be fine Valerie." I looked to the side; Armin stood besides me and looked up at me with his blue eyes. I knew my thoughts must have been visible on my face and smiled down at the boy.

"I know." I continued to the kitchen. Armin found an interesting book and started to read while Mikasa came over to me asking if she could help. I let her cut up some vegetables. When the dinner was nearly done I asked Mikasa to keep an eye on it and went upstairs. I smiled when I entered the bedroom which Eren and Armin would share. Eren was sweeping the floor with his back to me. I walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder; he jerked in surprise and looked up at me.

"Nice work." I said and smiled down at him. He snorted and looked down at the floor. "I mean it Eren. Come on now, you're worth some food."

"So you had a question?" I said as we sat down and looked at Eren who brightened up.

"Yes, you know Commander Smith?" He asked me again and I nodded, thinking a little how I would tell the story without lying too much.

"It was he who got my husband to choose the path to become a survey corps soldier. And it was Erwin who informed me about my husband's death and ever since then he has kept contact with me. It is actually thanks to him I got the custody of you three and that we got to live here." I said and smiled slightly. "But to be honest I wasn't so delighted about him in the beginning."

"Why not?" Armin asked and I looked at him.

"Well, I just…found him cold and heartless. Like it didn't matter what the sacrifice for a change in this world was, like all the people that have died for that cause didn't matter. But I've come to understand otherwise over time." I silence. It was true that I despised Erwin in the beginning for being such a cold hearted monster but during our meetings I'd come to see and understand different. He was a master at hiding his emotions and thoughts but every time we had a meeting shortly after an expedition I could see it in his eyes, the demons he lived with everyday. I never mentioned it but I slowly came to understand that even if it seemed cold, every death of a comrade affected him hard and I could tell he questioned himself. It was these rare moments which had changed my mind about him.

"Can we get to meet him?" Eren said suddenly and I looked at him.

"I'm quite sure the commander of the survey corps has far more important things to do then come visit you guys." I said and smiled at him. He looked disappointed and with that the conversation changed. Armin told us about a book he'd been reading and at the end of the dinner Eren declared he would never touch a broom again in his whole life. I took care of the dishes after dinner while the three sat discussing everything and nothing as usual until I told them it was time for bed. I was sure they all where tired after a whole day of cleaning. Eren and Armin bid their good nights and went to their rooms and me and Mikasa to ours. I couldn't hear any talking from the other room and guessed they'd fallen asleep immediate; just like the girl lying in the bed besides me. I smiled at her as I moved dark hair out of her face. I sighed as I watched her. It was so sad to watch such a young and beautiful girl whose face instead of the hope and dreams of the future was harden by experiences children shouldn't have. I sighed again and carefully moved out of the bed. I lighted a candlestick and then walked downstairs and sat down at the table. I looked around the room, smiling slightly at the cleanliness but felt my heart ache in pain. I sighed loudly and lowered my eyes, the smile disappearing from my lips. Tears build in my eyes and before I knew it they ran down my cheeks and I buried my face in my hand. I wasn't sure why I cried, I guessed it was a mixture of feelings and thoughts making me feel like this, the last years of my life had been more than challenging on me and I was just amazed I hadn't gone mad by now. I took a deep breath, dried my tears and looked up at the candle still shining on the table. "It'll be alright."


	14. Chapter 14

"Eren" I called out, my hands on my hips and glaring at the boy. The soldier from the military police holding him by his arm had just told me Eren had been expressing his feelings towards the military police. It had of course been in Erens usual way and had ended with him trying to pick a fight. Mikasa had stopped it but the soldier had decided to make a house visit and inform me.

"But they're useless and incompetent." I sighed at the boy, fiery green blue eyes looking at me. I narrowed my own forest green eyes at him.

"And that doesn't mean you have to tell it to the whole wide world."

"Why not?" Was the angry answer I got.

"I don't want to hear it!" I told him and before he had the chance to say anything more I spoke again. "Your room, now!" He looked at me with angry eyes and jerked his arm out of the soldiers grip before he stomped towards the stairs and up to his and Armins shared room. I could hear the door slamming shut all the way down and looked towards the stairs. A loud sigh escaped my lips. "Let him be for a while!" I said as Mikasa and Armin passed me in silence. They looked at me and nodded. Not that I needed to tell them, they knew better than me to leave him alone when he was like this but I felt the need to say it anyways.

"I'm sorry about him; he has…quite strong opinions." I looked back at the soldier with an apologizing smile. Now that I focused more on the soldier I noted that he seemed to be around my age, tall and with dark brown hair and brown eyes.

"It's alright. I just thought it was better to follow him home so he wouldn't get into more trouble." The man smiled at me, his brown eyes glowing with warmth and I couldn't help but to smile back at him.

"Well thank you for that, uhm…"  
"Private Caleb Turner of the Military Police, Ms…" His smile widened a little in pride.

"It's Mrs. Mrs Valerie Evans." The mention of the honorific his smile dropped and his eyes widened slightly, seeming surprised.

"Ohh, sorry of course it is considering." His eyes moved beyond me and at first I didn't get what he meant and then it hit me that he thought Eren and the others where my children. I blushed, feeling embarrassed.

"No it's not like that. They're…I'm their guardian." I gave him a weak smile.

"I see. That's very kind of you and your husband." He politely told me his smile now more forced than before.

"I'm widowed." It slipped out of me before I had a chance to think about it, I suppose I was just used to saying it by now. He tried to look sorry about my status but the genuine smile came back to his face and his eyes sparked up again.

"I'm sorry to hear." He said, not looking especially sorry. "Well if you need help with anything, anytime just…let me know."

"Thank you Private Turner, I will be sure to remember that."

"Caleb, you can call me Caleb." I gave him a smile and he saluted me. "Good Bye, Mrs Valerie Evans." He said and I nodded as a response before he turned and walked away. I watched him for a moment before I sighed to myself as I walked inside, closing the door behind me.

I looked towards the stairs after I'd closed the door. Armin and Mikasa were sitting in the sofa, having watched me until I turned around. I sighed again before I turned towards the kitchen to prepare dinner. I figured it was best to let Eren calm down by his own. After an hour the dinner was almost finished.

"Dinner." I called out, loud enough so Eren would hear it. Mikasa and Armin made their way to the table and I started filling their plates with potatoes and fish. Eren didn't come down so I walked up and knocked gently on his door. "Eren, it's dinner."

"I'm not hungry." I could hear him call from inside the room. I took a deep breath before I continued.

"It doesn't matter how angry you are at me. You have to eat." It was silent for a moment then I heard movement and at last the door opened. He didn't look at me as he passed me and walked down stairs. "Thank you." I called after him and he grunted.

"I'm not doing it for you."

"Well I don't care as long as you eat." At last we sat down and ate in silence. After the dinner Eren went up to his room again. Armin and Mikasa helped me to clean up in the kitchen before they too disappeared upstairs. After a short moment I made my way up towards the stairs and silently sat down against the door to Eren and Armin's bedroom, eavesdropping on their conversation. Words like killing the titans, getting revenge and joining the survey corps rang loudly thru the room by Eren's angered and energetic voice. I sighed; it was no secret he wanted to join and with everything that happen it had only fuelled his will. I also knew Mikasa and Armin would follow him wherever he would go. I sighed again. I wanted to burst in and tell them there would be no joining of any military fractions for any of them. But it would only be for my own selfish reasons because I didn't want to lose them like I lost Levi, Farlan and Isabel. They were all I had now, my new family. And the day of the attack, watching Eren call out his revenge on the titans, I'd decided that I wouldn't try to stop him, or Mikasa and Armin, from doing what they felt they needed to do, even if it meant joining the survey corps. I sighed again, leaning my head forward.

"Just stay alive." I whispered silently, knowing that they couldn't hear my wish.

A little over a month passed by and I ran into Private Turner a few times after he'd brought Eren home. I greeted him kindly every time, to Erens dismay.

"He's a useless swine." I sighed as I picked out some apples.

"Language!" I pointed out.

"But he is. I don't understand why you bother being nice to him." I looked down at the boy besides me, capturing his jaw in my hand.

"It calls being civil, you should try it sometimes!" I smiled at him but he snorted and pulled his head out of my loose grip. "Anyways you know I agree with the most of your thoughts about the military police, but that doesn't mean everyone in the police is corrupted and useless. I happen to think Private Turner is a nice and kind man, civil." I said and looked down at Eren with a smile. He rolled his eyes at my little joke at the end.

"Well I still don't like him, so don't think about marry him like you did with Friedrich." My smile dropped slightly and I lowered my eyes. I hadn't thought about him for a long time now and I felt the guilt rise inside of me. Eren seemed to notice this because suddenly he took my hand and I looked at him. I smiled at the small gesture of comfort.

"Don't worry; I'm not planning on marrying Private Turner, or anyone else." Eren let go of my hand and put his own hands behind his head.

"Good because if you do I move out." I laughed and paid the man at the stand for the apples and other vegetables I brought.

"I don't need any other man in my life as long as I got you." I said and put my arm around the boy. He snorted again but a smile crept upon his face and it made me happy.


	15. Chapter 15

A little after I've received my third allowance I happened to stumble across a job. I'd been at the market close to our house while the children were at the school and passing by the tavern my eyes had caught sight of a sign. They were searching for a new barmaid. I considered to go in ask about it at first but decided not to at last, continuing my shopping of food. It was when I was about to walk home that I somehow ended up inside the tavern, my feet caring me. Standing inside it I looked around a bit heisting. I hadn't been inside a tavern since I lived in the underground and this was nothing like it. It was lighter and the atmosphere more welcoming and safe. The customers were ordinary citizens mixed with some soldiers and the barmaids smiled nicely to them as they took and served orders.

"Can I help you?" I turned my head and besides me a woman stood and smiled at me. "I saw the sign." I said meekly and the woman's smile grew wider.  
"You're a saviour." She said and took my free hand in hers. "Wait here, I'll get the owner. The name's Clara by the way." She said before she disappeared into what I guessed was the kitchen. Out came a woman that must be in the middle age since her dark hair was starting to grey. Her smile reached her dark grey eyes and I got the sense she was a woman of experience.

"So you're after the position as barmaid?" The woman asked.

"Yes." I answered before I'd given it any though, the woman smiled wider.

"Any experience?"

"Yes, I worked in my grandfather's tavern." I spotted out, yet again without thinking about it. Something with this woman's forwardness just made me speak out.

"Great, you're hired! My name's Doris Williams." Doris took my hand and shook it.

"Valerie Evans." I said and the woman then went on telling me more about my new employment. When I walked out of there I wasn't even sure what had hit me and it took me the rest of the day to understand I'd gotten an employment as a barmaid, again. It wasn't until I was sitting by the dinner table I really got it.

"Is everything alright Valerie?" Armin asked and I realized I'd been staring at my food for sometime. I looked up and was met by three worried pair of eyes.

"Yeah it's just fine." I told them and smiled.

"You seem a little absentminded." Armin pointed out and I sighed with a smile on my lips.

"It's just…I got a job today. It happened so fast I'm not sure it even happened." I told them and I could see the worry disappear from their eyes.

"Where?" Eren asked, spitting out food as he talked.

"Don't speak when you eat." I lectured before I told them about the forenoon. "So, what do you think? I can tell them I won't work out if you don't want me to." The three looked at each other and then back at me.

"We don't mind." Eren said and the other two nodded.

"Alright then." I said and nodded.

The next day I was yet again standing inside the tavern, before opening this time, being greeted by the owner.  
"Welcome." She said and smiled, taking my hand and shook it.

"Thank you." I said and smiled back at her. She then showed me around the place, explaining how everything worked around here and introduced me to the others a long the way. In the kitchen two men named Jack Smith and Thilo Eichel worked. One of the other barmaids name was Felicia May who seemed to be a nice woman. The barmaid I'd meet yesterday came up to me and hugged me to my surprise.

"You're really a life savior you know. It'll only been me and Felicia here since Laura had to quite and we barley got by on the three of us before. So I'm so happy you decided to take the job." I blinked at the woman, she was so energetic.

"Thank you." I just answered and gave her a smile. She smiled back.

"Ohh where's my manners. Clara Williams!" She said and reached out her hand at last. I cast a hasty look at Doris, the owner, remembering from yesterday her last name was Williams as well.

"Valerie Evans." I answered and took her hand.

"Don't be afraid to ask any of us for help, we be glad to." She smiled sweetly at me.

"Well let's not just stand here; the customers will be here soon." Doris said at last and handed me an apron.

"Thank you." I said and took it. The older woman put her hand on my shoulder.

"And you don't have to be so polite." She said and I blushed. "And yes, Clara is my daughter." She then said, clearly having seen me look at her earlier, I blushed even harder. Doris smiled at me. "Good luck." She then said. It didn't take long for the first customers coming into the tavern. It was a calm flow of customers in the beginning but as the afternoon dragged on, going over to evening, the tavern filled up with more people making it more hectic. I was glad for the calm start so I could back into the tracks. Not so surprising it was a very different thing being barmaid in the underground then up here and a lot of the time was spent on making conversations and being sociable.

"That went well." Doris said as the last customers went out.

"Yes, better than I thought it would." I answered before a yawn escaped my lips.

"Go home and get some rest." She told me and patted my shoulder I smiled and took of the apron, hanging it over a chair before I made my way home.

Three months passed and working at the tavern was much easier than I'd thought. It felt good having something to do other than taking care of the house all day while the children where in school. It hadn't taken long to feel welcomed by the others working in the tavern since they were all so kind and welcoming. Doris was the heart of it all and even though being quite straightforward she had a kind heart and wanted everyone who entered her tavern to feel at home. It turned out Doris husband had been the previous owner of the tavern but had become sick and died and since both they're sons had chosen to become military polices she had decided to take over the place. Clara who'd been young when her father passed wasn't allowed to help until she turned 16 which she'd done not long ago. Thilo and Felicia had both been working at the tavern when Doris husband had passed away and Jack had become a part of the tavern two years earlier. It was a good group of people who made me laugh and feel happy and I didn't regret going inside the tavern three months ago. A knock on the door brought me out of my though and I went over to open it. I got slightly surprised to see Private Johnson and Hausler standing outside.

"Has it already been a month?" I asked but let them inside.

"Yes." Was the simple answer from Private Johnson.

"Do you want some tea?" I asked and could see Johnson on his way to answer but Johanna was faster.

"Yes, thank you!" She said and sat down by the table while Johnson was left standing with a half opened mouth that soon let out sigh before he moved to sit down as well.

"Make it quick then." He muttered and I smiled as I went to heat some water.

"Is everything good with you?" I asked and Johanna told me a detailed story over how her life had been since last time. Spilling information about the latest expedition which had taken place a week ago I remembered. Occasionally when she told me about the expeditions she mentioned a certain Captain Ackerman and talking about how amazing he was, that I had to see it to believe it. It was a wonder I managed to keep my face straight when the woman talked about him. I stayed from asking questions knowing it wouldn't sit well with Erwin if I'd dug for information, but I wouldn't tell the woman to stop either.

"So how is everything here?" Hausler asked at last, now sipping on her tea that I'd handed her a while ago.

"It is just fine." I said and smiled, taking a sip of my own tea. "Well, actually I've been working in a tavern a couple of months now and I've been thinking about the allowance." I looked up at the two. "I will not longer be in need of it, could you be so kind to tell Erwin that." Johanna looked at me with wide eyes.

"Are you sure?" She asked and I smiled at her.

"Yes, I'm sure." I said and then turned to Johnson who watched me in silent. "Will you be sure to inform him?" He watched me a little longer in silence until he nodded.

"Sure, then I take it you don't want this." He said and picked out the envelope.

"No it's alright." I said and shook my head. Johnson nodded and stood, signaling for Johanna to do the same.

"Good luck with everything then Mrs Evans." He said and walked towards the door. Johanna watched me with slightly sad eyes.

"Don't worry about me." I said and hugged her. "Thank you for everything." Johanna saluted me before she and Johnson left the house.

A knock on the door a couple of days later got me surprised. There weren't many people who visited me so my guess fell on that it was a soldier bringing home Eren again. So when I opened the door my eyes widened in surprise

"Hello Valerie!"


	16. Chapter 16

"Hello Valerie!" I looked at the tall man outside my door in surprise. I hadn't expected Erwin himself to come visit me anytime soon. "May I come in?" He asked and I blinked, moving aside.

"Of course." Erwin looked around the room with his usual neutral smile on his face, the smile that never gave anything away.

"You've done a wonderful job here." He said and looked at me. I gave him a smile before I looked around the room myself.

"I didn't do it all alone." I pointed out. "Do you want something?"

"No thank you, I haven't got much time." I nodded, knowing very well why he was here. "Then I suppose this isn't just a how are you doing visit?" His smile widened slightly.

"No it isn't." He motioned me to sit down at the table as if we were in his office. I didn't comment it and sat down as well did he. "Private Johnson informed me that you aren't in need of the allowance anymore!"

"That's true. I've found myself a good job with an enough payment to make this household go around and so I didn't think it right to keep taking money from the survey corps." I smiled at the man sitting at the other side of the table. He watched me for a moment before he smiled back.

"It seems like you're building yourself a good life, considering everything." Erwin answered me.

"Yes, I do think so too." He nodded and looked down at his hands for a short moment before he looked up again, his blue eyes intensively watching me.

"You are aware of that you're cutting off you're last tie to Levi?" The question was sudden and I got a little surprise by it. My smile fading as I thought about it.

"I believe in fate, Erwin." I said at last and my smile coming back. "And you also promised me to inform me in case of his death and knowing him it's not likely that day will be here soon. So I'm not worried." Something in his eyes told me he expected this kind of answer but what surprised me was the small hint of satisfaction in them. He nodded and stood.

"Very well then Ms Evans. As you wish the allowance will cease from now on and your citizenship do no longer stand under any demands from the survey corps either. You're free to live as you please, but I do recommend you to keep on living as Mrs Evans." I was surprised to hear that the demands to lie about my background and to keep away from Levi were lifted from me.

"Thank you Erwin. I've asked too much of you but I'm really thankful for everything you've done for me." He cast a glance towards the opened window for a moment before he looked at me.

"Well, it wasn't all me." He said with a low voice and I smiled slightly confirming what I'd suspected a long time. I followed him to the door. "Good bye then Ms Evans and I wish you a long and joyful life."

"Good bye Commander Smith." I couldn't help but feel a little sorrowful as I closed the door behind me. I sighed to myself, a mixture of sadness and relief flowing inside me but at the same time knowing this was the right thing to do. I nodded to myself and smiled.

Erwin watched the door close and when it did he turned his head to the side.

"You look bothered. Shouldn't you be happy about this, it's what you wanted for her!" The dark haired man leaning against the house with crossed arms looked at his commander with a scowl on his face. He muttered something inaudible and Erwin smiled. "She will be fine."

"I know." Levi simply answered as he looked towards the door to the house, his scowl fading from his face. Moving away from the house façade and walking after Erwin whom started to walk.

"Then what's with the bothered look?" Walking slightly behind his commander Levi looked at his back for a moment before looking straight ahead. The silence made Erwin cast a glance backwards. He nodded slightly as he looked at the younger mans face. "She's a remarkable and alluring young woman. At first glance she looks frail and common but looking further she's strong-minded and observant, gentle and honest in an unusual way but ready to stand up for and protect the ones she loves and care for." Erwin had stopped and looked up at the blue sky. Levi however was watching the ground remembering a time when Farlan was speaking about Valerie in the same way.

" _Must you always pick a fight!" Levi looked down at Valerie standing besides him, here green eyes filled with annoyance and worry._

" _He started it!" He pointed out and Valerie sighed but her face softened slightly, the worry however still in her eyes as she moved her hand up to his face gently touching the place he'd been hit. He flinched slightly at her touch._

" _He took you by surprise, didn't he?" She smiled. Levi tsked at the comment, irritated both because she was right and that she knew it. It was uncommon for others to get a hit on him but this time he hadn't been observant. Her smile widened. "It makes you look more human." Her voice was low so only he would hear her. He watched her for a moment, feeling himself relax but then moved out of her touch. She didn't care about it and turned, walking back to Linda. Sitting down again he noted Farlan watching him with a smile on his lips._

" _What?"_

" _I just enjoy watching the two of you." He said, his head resting in his hand. "While most of us tiptoe around you not to anger you she questions you so easily without the slightest of fear. It's fascinating, you know. I had no idea woman like her existed, so gentle but still so strong." Farlan turned his head and watched Valerie talking with Linda by the bar. "It makes you wonder how such an extraordinary delightful and beautiful flower can grow in such a dark and cold place." Levi turned his head and watched Valerie as well and like she felt it she turned her head as well, meeting his eyes and smiling._

"But of course you know this better than anyone." Erwin's voice brought him back and he looked up at the man who now was looking at him. His smile, knowing yet neutral, was on his lips. After a short moment he turned his head again and looked ahead, continue walking forwards the horse they bound by the market close by. "Do you think she'll come for you now that the demands have been lifted?"

"No." This earned him a glance from the commander.

"Why not?" Levi tsked in annoyance, he disliked when Erwin picked his brain about Valerie.

"You heard her, she believes in fate." He answered with his usual bored tone, trying to end the conversation. Erwin was silence and Levi sighed. "She's not the kind to jump at the first opening. She's patient and confident in that way."


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello! Sorry for updating a day to late, but I was so tired yesterday that I forgot and fell asleep. But here it is and this is acctually the last chapter on this part of the story. I hope you have enjoyed reading this and again I'm so thankful for all your reviews. The next part of the story, Life - continues, will be uploded as a new story the 4 April. However I want you guys to know already that I haven't had time to write to much on the new story since this story wasn't finished when I starten to uploded it. I will try as hard as I can to make sure there will not be to much delay on uploding chapters. Well, now you know what's going on and I hope you will like this last chapter of Life - Without you.**

 **See you soon! Love xXxFangirlForeverxXx**

* * *

Two years had passed since the attack on Shiganshina and, even thought it sometimes still felt like yesterday in my mind, people had slowly turned back to their calm living and once again relying on the safety of the walls. Today was a sunny day with clouds floating on the blue sky and the gentle breeze cooling the warm summer air, making it hard believing anything like that would happen again. I was outside hanging up the laundry, admiring two birds soaring in the sky. Since I first laid eyes on the birds on the surface I'd always liked the way they freely moved thru the air like nothing could stop them. Hearing mumbled voices discussing I cast a glance towards the door leading out on the small backyard. The three now thirteen year olds living with me stood there. I smiled thinking how much they changed this last year. Mikasa was growing more beautiful for every day that went on and both Eren and Armin were soon taller than me. Then I sighed over how time could fly like this even though everything that had happened. I sighed again, looking down at the basket with laundry.

"Valerie." I looked up, not knowing how long I had been staring at the basket. Eren, Mikasa and Armin stood besides me. Eren had a determined look on his face but I could see remorse and fear in his eyes. Armin looked nervous and filled with guilt and Mikasa as usual looked collected and controlled.

"What is it Eren?" I asked, feeling what was to come next. He watched me with hesitation for a moment but then took a breath and the determination was back.

"We're going to enlist; we're thirteen and are allowed to…"

"I won't stop you!" Eren's blue green eyes went wide and his mouth opening slightly in surprise. Armin looked chocked as well and on Mikasa's face I could see a hint of a smile. I guessed she was the only one not to think I would try to stop them. I smiled at them. "I've known ever since that day there is nothing I can do or say that can stop you from doing this. So no, I'm not going to stop you." Armin smiled as well now but Eren still looked at me with pure surprise on his face. I reached out, running my fingers thru his dark bangs. "Just, don't dare to die." I told them even though it was a heavy promise to put on them. Finally Eren grinned at me.  
"Not until I killed every titan!" I couldn't resist myself as I pulled the boy into a hug, tears filling up my eyes.

A couple of weeks later they we're packing to move to the training grounds were all the trainees lived. I stood in Eren and Armins room inspecting Erens bag, arms crossed and scolding him for the mess he called packing.

"Why don't you nag on them?" Pointing irritated towards Armin and Mikasa who was already finished packing. I simply raised my eyebrows at him and he breathed out in frustration as he turned to his bag to re-pack it until I was satisfied. A knock on the door signalled their carriage taking them to the training grounds was here. I looked towards the stairs with a panicked feeling in my body which was probably reflected on my face since Armin put a hand on my shoulder.  
"It'll be alright Valerie." He said and smiled at me. I gave him a weak smile back, pulling him into a hug.

"I know, it's just…" I sighed as I pulled away. "I'm going to miss you so much."

"You can always come visit." Armin comfortingly said but Eren got a horrified expression on his face.

"Maybe I will." I said, smiling at Eren who only shuddered at my comment. He picked up his bag just as another knock, louder this time, was heard from down stairs. "We're on our way." I called out and ushered them down stairs. I opened the door and was met by an irritated Garrison soldier.

"About time." He muttered and I gave him a glare before I turned to the three, tears now filling my eyes.

"Okay then, behave, don't pick fights, make friends and be nice, listen to your commanders don't be picky with your food and don't stay up to late, you need your strength…" I rambled on until Armin hugged me again, I held him tight. He then moved to the carriage. Mikasa was next and while hugging her I told her to keep Eren out of trouble, she nodded and I smiled at her. At last it was it was Eren, he looked at me with the same mixture of determination and fear he'd had a couple of weeks back. I put my hand on his cheek. "You're parents would be proud." I told him in a low voice so only he could hear. I could see tears start building up in his eyes but he held back. I hugged him, stroking his dark hair for a moment before he pulled away.

"Thank you Valerie!" He said, I smiled at him and then he walked to the carriage as well. The three of them got in and I watching the carriage disappear as tears ran down my cheeks.

As I looked towards the wall from where the noises and smoke came I had to raise a hand to shield my eyes from the sun, but froze when I saw what it was that created all the commotion; not believing what I was seeing. The people whom started run around me became a blur and the screams and shouts became muted to me. All I could hear was my heart beating fasten and my breathing becoming uneven. My brained screamed for my body to move but it didn't respond as my eyes was locked on the same sight I'd seen five years ago, a sight I wished I'd never would see again. In my frozen state someone ran into me and I reacted too late as I fell backwards and hit my head hard in the ground. The movements around me became dizzy and the sounds of screams and cries became muffled until all that surrounded me was darkness and I felt my consciousness slip away.


End file.
